An Open Letter to My Readers

Posted in Blog on May 22, 2015 by Rathan Krueger

Hi everybody!

I’ve been doing this for a for a while, and I wanted to remove the wall for a moment and thank everyone who’s joined me on this selfish road of mine to becoming a better artist. When I started posting my writings, it was mainly because I didn’t wanna feel like I wasted money on buying a domain name. I could’ve just as easily have bought a REALLY big notebook and kept my growth and experiments private. But I chose to fail in public, not expecting to get any readers, and now I’m close to 250. Some of you, like E.I. Wong and Damyati, have been around for ages. Some of you, like robertsonwrites, have just found me today. All of you are valid, though, because you thought that my selfish writings are interesting enough to keep coming back and see what else I do. And though I have over 200 readers, not everyone shows that they’ve read what I’ve posted. And those few don’t like everything I post. Some would find that crippling, but I’m grateful. I know that not everything I do will be liked by varying degrees, so getting that fact bludgeoned in my head every weekday is fantastic training. Thanks, really.

Like I said earlier, I wanna pull back the veil for this post. This works both ways. I’d like you all to tell me what you think of what I’ve done. Your favorite or least-favorite posts. Whatever you wanna say is fine. Good, bad, elating, destructive: anything. I’ll reply to everyone who posts something, and they’ll go beyond the “Aw gee, thanks.” As Just Being Me can attest, I’m a great comment section conversationalist. If you’re daring enough, you can read the 24,000+-word thread we have buried in an old post. I won’t make it easy for you, but I will say that it’s enDEARing. So, don’t be shy. I can talk about anything and everything, be goofy and serious. Hope to hear from you soon.

Daily Dialogue: Harley and Ivy Go Hollywood

Posted in Dialogue, Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 22, 2015 by Rathan Krueger

Harley
Did ya see? Did ya see?

Ivy
The results of the British election?

Harley
Nope!

Ivy
Our government’s decision on the NSA’s bulk data?

Harley
Why would I care about NASA? I gots enough space between my ears.

Ivy
Ireland’s decision on same-sex marri–

Harley
I can see yer not willin’ to take this seriously, so I’ll just tell ya: THE FIRST OFFICIAL PIC OF THA GAL WHO’S PLAYIN’ ME IN THA MOVIES CAME OUT!! I’m flippin’ real, Red!

Ivy
Uh… huh.

Harley
Hey, I was supportive of YOU when Batman an’ Robin came–

Ivy
I told YOU that we don’t talk about that anymore. How did you find out about the pic?

Harley
Where ya been? Tha interwebs have been hootin’ an’ hollerin’ about her fer weeks!

Ivy
I read the news, not what’s trending. Wait. How much hooting and hollering?

Harley
It’s been on all tha popular sites, ya doof!

Ivy
And you had no idea about any of the other things I mentioned?

Harley
I told ya, I don’t care about no NASA.

Ivy
I see.

Harley
She’s gots bleached hair with cotton candy red-and-blue pigtails an’–

Ivy
Who?

Harley
Margot Robbie. The fleshy me!

Ivy
Oh.

Harley
If I don’t start gettin’ some enthusiasm from ya soon, I’m gonna whip out tha ol’ IMDB app and see what Miss Uma Thurman’s been up to lat–

Ivy
Wow, Harley! Really?! Margot Robbie! Wowsers, gee, gosh, and wham!

Harley
Yer wit needs work, but it’ll do fer now.

Ivy
What else has she been in?

Harley
Wolf o’ Wall Street.

Ivy
As the secretary who screamed at everyone? I liked her.

Harley
No, silly, as Jordan Belfort’s wife.

Ivy
It must’ve been hard bleaching all that curly hair.

Harley
Wha? No, his second wife! The hot one!

Ivy
Oh, her… Wait, she went from playing one New York gal with a psychotic lover to another New York gal with a psychotic lover?

Harley
Cornerin’ the market, she is!

Ivy
Indubitably.

Harley
And she’s dressed like she shops at the Goodwill.

Ivy
Huh. You dress like you shop at the Goodwill sometimes.

Harley
I know! It’s awesome! But, of course, the interwebs gots their lederhosen in a kerfluffle cuz she doesn’t look how I do.

Ivy
In what way?

Harley
She wears a t-shirt, hot pants, an’ not much else.

Ivy
And? You were never the most pragmatic dresser.

Harley
I stole my red-an’-black onesie from a costume shop! An’ now, I dress like I’m in a roller derby. Cuz I am!

Ivy
How vocal are these fans of yours?

Harley
They wanna raze Los Angeles to tha ground with mallets!

Ivy
And none of them care about Nepal…

Harley
Course not. Nepal’s a hole in tha ground ta them WAAAAAAAAAAAY over there. Harley Quinn’s in their face! Bam!

Ivy
Don’t start referring to yourself in the third-preson. It’s never fun when Two-Face does it.

Harley
Yess’m. I feel kinda sorry fer her, though.

Ivy
Margot Robbie? Why?

Harley
One could say that I, heh, attract a certain type of person.

Ivy
You can say rabid fans. I would.

Harley
I was gonna say “enthusiastic.”

Ivy
I’m always amazed at how you turn down their marriage proposals, yet take their rings, without any fuss.

Harley
It’s all in tha wrist, Red. Plus, I get ta murder tha more annoyin’ ones.

Ivy
I know, I’ve mulched many a corpse for you.

Harley
Margot won’t be able ta do that, though.

Ivy
Why not? Oh. Right.

Harley
Yeah. But tha good FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR outweighs tha bad of bein’ me, otherwise I woulda stopped a long time ago. Tha bad just tends ta hit hard when it pops up once inna while. I’d love to share a drink an’ a l’chaim with her someday.

Ivy
A what?

Harley
Y’know, a l’chaim. La-hi-yam. Tha thing we Jewish folk say before a drink.

Ivy
You’re a practicing Jew?

Harley
Nope! But tha words are fun…

Harley and Ivy
And fundamental!

Ivy
I’ll enjoy seeing her in her hot pants.

Harley
They sparkle like a bad vampire!

Ivy
I see.

Harley
It’s not my favorite look, but methinks Margot’ll be around fer a while. Plenty o’ time to try out new looks.

Ivy
Tis.

Harley
Don’t worry, Red. They’re bound ta get ya right someday. They can’t have a fleshy Harley sans her favorite potted plant.

Ivy
Really?

Harley
Would I lie to ya? They might even go few tha trifecta an’ give us Pee Gee!

Ivy
Who?

Harley
Power Girl. She’s like Supergirl, ‘cept she’s gots MASSIVE… appendages.

Ivy
Mmm… appendages…

The Taste

Posted in Fiction, Poem with tags , , , , , , , , , , on May 21, 2015 by Rathan Krueger

Sitting on our bed waiting sweetly for our game, her
Eyes saucer-black with lust follow me to our closet
Her breath’s slowness grows heavy with anticipation
As each piece to our game is laid near her shaking feet
A piece to bind her, a piece to make her scream with joy
A piece to blind her, a piece to bring her ecstasy
A piece to pull her to pain’s lament, all with a smile
She soon remembers her place, and kneels bare before me

Our intimate game of pleasure and pain moves slowly
She can but ache for the taste until her very end

It begins innocently with two words: “Yes, Master.”
Her hands strapped together and reach high for the ceiling
My hands grip her tender flesh, and strips of cloth and hide
Each slap erupts from her mouth a whine, and hints a moan
Soon, our game brings wetness to her brow and twixt her thighs
Her flesh turns vermilion with agony and craving
She squirms and yearns… with every heartbeat… she squirms and yearns
I ask if she wants to go on. She smiles. “Yes, Master.”

Our intimate game of pleasure and pain moves slowly
She can but ache for the taste until her very end

I slide my fingers in her silken, sad uncertain
And play in her pink, the pink of her wet chamber door
I bring her to the cusp of delight… and pull away
For this is the final piece to our intimate game
The piece she loves and loathes the most: to deny, deny
To make her orgasmic tide ebb and flow, never crest
Words are whittled away to primal groans as she waits
Until I feel she’s had enough… until I kiss her

So ends our slow, intimate game of pleasure and pain
The taste leaves her shivering, crying, and satisfied

Rearview Woman

Posted in Fiction, Poem with tags , , , , , , , , , , on May 20, 2015 by Rathan Krueger

In your shell of industry, I see you
Fresh scars of sadness running down your face
Despite your blight, the sun makes you gorgeous
While the crimson ray holds us, I wonder
Obvious that pain has you… but why?
Torment, maybe, from a lover?
Cruelty twisting your heart
Or, perhaps, a sickness?
How I want to know…
But it’s too late
Red turns green
We part
Lost

Daily Dialogue: Hearts in Captivity

Posted in Dialogue, Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , on May 19, 2015 by Rathan Krueger

Lorena
You’re awake now. Splendid.

Annie
Who are you? Wh-where am I?

Lorena
You, my dear, are in a world of shit, I’m afraid. I’m also the last face you’ll ever see.

Annie
What? Why?!

Lorena
Natural selection. We both want to live, it’s our right for having a pulse. However. Part of the rhythm of my pulse drive me to the lives of others, then I take them.

Annie
You’re going to kill me?!

Lorena
How preceptive.

Annie
Help!! Somebody please!!

Lorena and Annie
HELP!!

Lorena
No one can hear you here. The store’s closed.

Annie
“Store?” We’re… We’re at my… job?

Lorena
The backroom. Isn’t it nifty?

Annie
Wait… You’re…

Lorena
Yes?

Annie
You’re the woman I’ve been seeing across the street the last month.

Lorena
The woman you’ve been ignoring the last month. Rudely. So. Rudely. It hurts, you know. Being ignored. By someone like you. As beautiful as you.

Annie
You’re fucking crazy! Help!!

Lorena and Annie
HELP!!

Lorena
Why, because you have burn scars? Because someone couldn’t like someone who looks like a used candle? How wrong you are, Annie. It’s our imperfections who make us who we are and forces the beholder to find the true beauty. You are a shimmering sliver of ice, unable to be held by anyone unprepared. I’ve prepared for a month.

Annie
Let me go, please.

Lorena
Not until you love me.

Annie
What? People will be here in the morning, then you’re gonna be in trouble.

Lorena
How long have you worked here? I don’t know. Really. I’m not that kind of gal. I’d rather find out about you the old-fashioned way.

Annie
Leave me alone, you bitch.

Lorena
Seriously, how long have you worked here? Months? Years? How many times have you been in this room? What’s that? This is your first time? Why is that? Because it’s so out of the way? How many of your coworkers feel the same way? How many bosses?

Annie
I can beat you and open the door.

Lorena
You can try. Living in the city, with so many men willing to take advantage of a defenseless woman, I chose to take a boxing class. I don’t want to, but I’ll break every bone in your body to keep you here. And I’ll break your jaw to keep you from screaming. Your choice, of course. I’m willing to listen in this relationship.

Annie
I have a cat–

Lorena
With a friend of mine. Told him that I was housesitting and suddenly found out that I was allergic. Friends are great, aren’t they? No questions, not even when aiding a kidnapper. Unknowingly.

Annie
I just wanna go home.

Lorena
And you will. We will. When you love me.

Annie
But I’m not gay!

Lorena
Neither am I.

Annie
What? Then why–

Lorena
You’re the only woman I want to spend my life with, Annie.

Annie
But why?! We don’t know each other!

Lorena
Why do trees know when to stop growing?

Annie
What the fuck are you talking about?

Lorena
I’m just pointing out something that is unexplainable. Like my feelings for you. I don’t know why I love you–

Annie
You love me?

Lorena
Yes. And I don’t know why. I’ve had a month to figure it out, but the only thing I’ve learned is that it doesn’t matter. The emotion is the thing.

Annie
That’s sick. You’re sick.

Lorena
Then I’m your sickness.

Annie
I’m gonna get out of here.

Lorena
When you love me.

Annie
And when I get out–

Lorena
When you love me.

Annie
–I’m gonna kill you.

Lorena
You can try. If you fail, I’m gonna snap your neck. I have no problem with taking care of you when you’re paralyzed. My little Superman.

Annie
Do you realize how crazy you are?

Lorena
Do you realize how wrong you are?

Annie
How am I wrong about you being crazy?

Lorena
You’re wrong about not loving me.

Annie
What if I have to use the bathroom? I don’t see a bucket.

Lorena
Do you want a bucket?

Annie
No.

Lorena
I put this leash on you along with these handcuffs, and I’ll lead you to the bathroom.

Annie
I can’t wipe in handcuffs.

Lorena
I’ll take care of that.

Lorena and Annie
You’re sick.

Annie
How am I supposed to love you when I feel nothing but disgust and hatred? And those AREN’T gonna fucking go away.

Lorena
By finding out more about each other. By kissing. By making love.

Annie
If you touch me, I’ll bite you.

Lorena
I’ll allow it. It’s best to get all the worst feelings out of the way as soon as possible. Then we can let the love shine through.

Annie
I’LL NEVER LOVE YOU!!

Lorena
YES, YOU FUCKING WILL!! YOU WILL LOVE ME IF I HAVE TO TEAR YOU APART!!

Daily Dialogue: Harley and Ivy Go to Washington

Posted in Dialogue, Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on May 15, 2015 by Rathan Krueger

Ivy
Are you free?

Harley
No, but ya can find me on that shelf in tha grocery store with all tha other damaged goods.

Ivy
I’m serious.

Harley
I’m seriousssssly not. Why so serious? Hee-hee.

Ivy
We need to go on a trip.

Harley
To Bermuda?

Ivy
No.

Harley
Ah shucks, I thought today woulda been tha day. Next time, Brazilian wax job… next time.

Ivy
We need to take over the capitol.

Harley
Of Bermuda?

Ivy
Of the United States.

Harley
Oh, them. Wait, huh? How? Why? And those other questions!

Ivy
They’re puritans.

Harley
Duh, but that wasn’t grounds ta do anything ta them before. What’s changed?

Ivy
Their views on sex– Or rather, their lack of views, are crippling my artistic urges.

Harley
Let’s pretend that I’m slow as well as crazy while ya explain things ta me.

Ivy
I want to make a documentary on burlesque dancers, but the bank I have has a no-porn policy on films I make, and my lawyer said that burlesque dancing might be considered pornography.

Harley
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Ivy
I know, it’s stupid.

Harley
Yer… Yer makin’ a documentary? Heh-heh. Since, woo, since when?

Ivy
My life doesn’t revolve around you, you know. I do things besides watching your wiggle.

Harley
An’ a fine wiggle it is! Yer doin’ this legitimately?

Ivy
Yeah.

Harley
Why?

Ivy
Crime pays in doses.

Harley
What, an’ art does better?

Ivy
…no, but I’d like to do a job that doesn’t involve me getting kicked in the head or going to Arkham.

Harley
I think MY kicks to tha head keep me in Arkham.

Ivy
You’re not the only one who thinks so.

Harley
Why do ya need a bank?

Ivy
Because it’s more responsible than keeping my money under your mattress.

Harley
That’s where I keep my money…

Ivy
Don’t worry, I didn’t take any of yours.

Harley
Because yer still breathin’! Does that mean ya gots a movie studio?

Ivy
It’s just a name right now, but I’ll have an office soon.

Harley
What’s tha name?

Ivy
Golden Harvest.

Harley
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Ivy
What is it this time?

Harley
That’s, woo, tha name of one a tha biggest martial arts movie studios in tha world, Red.

Ivy
THAT’S why I keep getting emails about Bruce Lee and Donnie Yen.

Harley
Yup yup yup.

Ivy
Well, it’s too late to change it now, so I’ll have to put up with that spam.

Harley
Do ya know our senator?

Ivy
No. Should I?

Harley
Instead a takin’ on the capitol, which’ll surely be ended by us bein’ decimated by a hail of gunfire, we could just kidnap our pasty ol’ white guy and torture him until he tells yer bank to let ya make yer doc.

Ivy
You know who our senator is?

Harley
Nope!

Ivy
Then how do you know that he’s a pasty old white guy?

Harley
When aren’t they?

Ivy
I guess the internet can tell us.

Harley
Ya know what else ruffles my goat? Ya only hear from them when they want somethin’. But when HARLEY wants ta know when we’ll get hover cars, HARLEY gets igno–

Ivy
Senator James Pope.

Harley
Hee-hee, we’re gonna kidnap a pope. A pope named Jimmy. What now?

Ivy
We plan.

Harley
I could dress up like a devil an’ chase him into our murdervan.

Ivy
I wish you wouldn’t call it that.

Harley
It’s a white van with no windows: what else could it be used fer?

Ivy
The devil idea won’t work. You’d just get sent back to Arkham before you get within a few feet of him.

Harley
But I’d be a good devil…

Ivy
I know, pet.

Harley
And his name is Pope! Why are ya denying me tha joy a chasing a guy named Pope with a devil?

Ivy
You can dress like a devil when you torture him.

Harley
Really? Really truly?

Ivy
I’ll even give you a pitchfork.

Harley
Yippee-skippee! What if we pretended ta be prostitutes as a gift ta him?

Ivy
Then lure him to–

Harley
Then lure him ta tha murdervan and I torture him devil-style until he gives ya what ya want.

Ivy
Wait, won’t he get us arrested?

Harley
Oh, Red. Poor, sweet, naive Red. The only thing a senator loves more than a bribe is a quickie from a pro.

Ivy
But don’t they rail against prostitution?

Harley
Ya really need ta watch more exposés. Who do ya think pimps and madams make most a their money from in Washington DC?

Ivy
I guess that’s settled.

Harley
Not. Quite.

Ivy
What do you mean?

Harley
We gotta pick out our threads, Red. An’ yer not used ta dressin’ like a pro, so ya might need ta model a few looks fer me. Hee-hee-hee.

Daily Dialogue: I Want What I Want

Posted in Dialogue, Fiction with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on May 14, 2015 by Rathan Krueger

Scarlett
Didn’t I see you yesterday?

Emma
A fine howdy-do to you, too.

Scarlett
Come in, come in. Thomas figured you’d stop by again, so he had to… return some videotapes.

Emma
I know, girl talk doesn’t mix well with boys.

Scarlett
Not so much “girl talk…” He prides himself as a logician.

Emma
Like most mad scientists.

Scarlett
When he overheard your problem yesterday, he spent a good hour petting his cat while he tried figuring out why it’s a problem. I was afraid Nipperton would have a bald patch when he gave up.

Emma
Poor thing. I didn’t realize my problem almost broke your kinda-hubby.

Scarlett
You gotta admit, it’s a strange one. How long has it been since you broke up with Jillian?

Emma
Almost a year.

Scarlett
Business has been booming for you.

Emma
Yeah.

Scarlett
On your terms, and there’s so much Success Path to walk.

Emma
I know.

Scarlett
All of this because you gave up women until you’re in a more solid position. Despite all this, you’ve been almost derailing your train by not only going after different women, but trying to get back with Jillian.

Emma
I know.

Scarlett
See? Even Nipperton couldn’t handle it and ran away.

Emma
Traitor.

Scarlett
So, what’s the deal? Is it us?

Emma
“Us?”

Scarlett
Me and Thomas. The best example of a couple that ever coupled.

Emma
Easy there. And no.

Scarlett
You’d think that wouldn’t have hurt. Wait, what? Weren’t you, for YEARS, complaining about being the odd one out?

Emma
Would you believe that Doctor Who helped me with that?

Scarlett
How?

Emma
He’s always the odd one out, isn’t he? And yet, he’s lived a life that no one else has because he’s a space oddity.

Scarlett
Doesn’t he always need someone around, though?

Emma
I have you.

Scarlett
If you’re trying to make me cry, good job.

Emma
I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to.

Scarlett
I’m kidding. Mostly. Then, what is it? Because I’m genuinely confused.

Emma
I don’t really know. I mean, I know that I want women, but I don’t know if it’s for a night or the rest of my life.

Scarlett
Have the women you’ve approached been wifey?

Emma
You mean, did I want to date them? Yeah.

Scarlett
I should slap you.

Emma
Why?

Scarlett
Didn’t one of them have aspirations of being a truck driver?

Emma
There’s nothing wrong with wanting a CDL…

Scarlett
Wasn’t the other one’s career plan to hop from Craigslist ad to Craigslist ad until her Social Security kicked in?

Emma
It’s nice to be a journeywoman…

Scarlett
And hasn’t Jillian turned to a life of being a webcam model? Wait, didn’t you say that she’s with a man now? You wanna go back to a sex object who you’ve gayed straight?

Emma
Hey, there’s nothing wrong with being a sex worker.

Scarlett
Just going for blood here. But you see what I mean.

Emma
Yeah.

Scarlett
Each and every woman you’ve gone after since your ascension of sorts were nothing more than anchors to mediocrity.

Emma
I… I guess so. Huh.

Scarlett
It’s almost like you WANT to crash and burn.

Emma
Bull-shit.

Scarlett
Because, lemme tell you, you can’t expect martyrdom if you’re holding the gun.

Emma
I don’t wanna crash and burn! Sometimes, I imagine my dream girl standing in front of me. She tells me that we can go away together and have a great life… if I gave up work. And every time, without faltering, I walk away from her.

Scarlett
You’ll walk away from your dream girl, but you’ll walk away with a normal girl? You got issues, lady.

Emma
You think?

Scarlett
So do Thomas and Nipperton. Do you think you just need to get laid?

Emma
No, I get mine. Regularly.

Scarlett
You don’t almost propose to them… Do you?

Emma
Yeah, just as I’m kneeling at their hairy altar and about to– Of course not.

Scarlett
Hear that, cat? Good news!

Emma
Ah, be quiet.

Scarlett
I think there’s a part of you that either wants to test how well you wanna succeed, or wants to sabotage you.

Emma
Why would I wanna sabotage myself?

Scarlett
To test you. So, I guess, the two things are really one.

Emma
But I know what I want.

Scarlett
And you’re making sure that you want it. Which is stupid, so you should stop.

Emma
But…

Scarlett
Yeah?

Emma
I know that past a certain point, I won’t be able to trust women who wanna be with me.

Scarlett
Why?

Emma
Gold diggers love to play the strings of a lonely heart.

Scarlett
Oh.

Emma
Yeah.

Scarlett
So, you either get a woman now who… you can maybe do better with, or get suckered into a woman later who wants your money?

Emma
Essentially.

Scarlett
Heavy is the crown. Tiara. You get it.

Emma
Yeah, sadly.

Scarlett
Or maybe a surprise’ll fall in your lap. Thomas wasn’t expecting me, I asked him out, and now we’re proud parents of a cat.

Emma
Maybe.

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