“I’d Make a Horrible Addict”

This post is brought to you by the soundtrack for the “Les Miserables” film.

Here we are: the final lap ’til the turn. Chapters 16 and 17 will be lengthy. Chapters 18 and 19 will be sentences. Why four chapters? The first portion of the story will be “wrapped up” in the first two, but I feel that I need something declarative and abstract. And I wanna write something short before I dive into the chaos that’ll be The Turn.

Chapter 16 had a big change since last night. It’ll reveal the reason why Quinevere became pregnant. I wasn’t intending there to be another reason but as I was plotting, two thing happened. One thing is that I realized that I needed to justify the chapter being there. I had a lot of great ideas for it, and there was some great lead-up to it, but it could’ve easily been taken out because it served no dramatic purpose. Melissa Merte, someone Quinevere likes but Idette doesn’t, with two of her friends, Riane and Dana, show up. Them causing a hiccup by simply being there wasn’t enough. The other thing that happened is that the subject of rape came up. I’ve been trying to fit it in the story for chapters and chapters, but it always stood out. Why rape? I wanted to fit RAINN in there because people should know about it. [just realized that I should change Riane’s name since it’s so close to RAINN… Phillipa] I had an interesting take on rape but felt that it had its place in chapter 15. Then I felt that Quinevere should’ve been raped instead of accidentally getting pregnant because I have to justify the rest of my novel. But I didn’t want to simply say “I was raped”, and I didn’t want to make it into melodrama. Quinevere’s too strong for that now. Then I realized that I could still do what I planned a chapter ago.

I like that the goils aren’t stationary. They evolve over the course of “Lie”, except Veronique but that’s a choice because I wanted to save that for the second half. What I like about Veronique, and Idette shares occasionally shares this, is her practicality with her sexuality. She shaves, does kegels, and danced in a burlesque troupe for very practical reasons. Idette sleeps nude for a very practical reason, but, thinking about it, I don’t consider that being sexual. Nudity isn’t sexual, but intent is. Unless you have a sleeping fetish, I don’t know how a nude sleeper could be sexualized. I like that Fantine isn’t abrasive with her love of films. She never forces it upon people. And when she had everyone watch films for a day, she never stuck her nose in the air. Quinevere is the same with her geekery. I mean, she wears the odd shirt but she never beats someone over the head with her belly full of baby and geek stuff. And I love their inability to be anyone but themselves. Even Fantine. She’s shy because she’s shy, not because she’s ashamed.

Why would I make a horrible addict? Last night, I cut myself off from “Doctor Who” fandom after being deep in it for a while. I’m still a HUGE fan, but I don’t feel the need to associate with fans anymore. Like with Batman, The Matrix films, and Middle-earth, I’m fine with being alone with my fandom. Now, if I find someone who wants to talk about Agent Smith or Romana II, great. But me hunting them down is done. The fans of “Doctor Who” want too much attention. “Lookit my TARDIS cake!” “Lookit my TARDIS wedding ring!” “Lookit my drawing!” “Lookit my bow tie!” “Lookit lookit lookit lookit!” And it’s always the same things. Over and over and over and over again. I’m comparing them to Stanley Kubrick fans. They’re fans I can get behind. Their adoration for Kubrick’s films is strong, yet restrained. And they don’t feel the need for attention. Which brings me to lessons learned for my eventual fandom. I know that you can’t control who your fans are and how they perceive/express your work, but I’ll definitely try pointing them in the right direction. And after being deep in Gallifreyan ranks, I’m a firmer believer in quality over quantity when it comes to fans. Gimme ten restrained fans over a hundred screaming ones any day. Plus, it’ll mean more if the restrained fans scream.


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