Lenora Howe’s Character-Building Blog

[Filled out a survey to help me find the other star of “Nostalgia Season”, Lenora Howe]

Name?

Lenora Howe.

What do people call you?

Nothing now.

Birthday?

August.

Height?

I’m 5’5″.

Eye color?

They’re hazel.

Hair color?

Black as pitch.

Righty or lefty?

You really know how to be boring. I’m right-handed.

Do you believe in God?

No.

Do you have a religion?

If I don’t believe in God, I can’t have a religion, can I? Jedi. How about that?

Do you speak another language?

Some French and Japanese.

Do you consider yourself tolerant of others?

Yeah, I’m a regular good neighbor. Want your tires washed?

Are you confident?

I’m a fucking lion, alright?

Are you a daredevil?

Yeah, I play in traffic nightly.

What’s the complement you get from most people?

“Nice tits.”

What do you like the most about your body?

My uneven tits.

Do you think you’re good-looking?

Yeah, I’m Vanessa Williams’ twin sister.

Do you have any bad habits?

I like people too fucking much.

What’s your biggest fear?

That you’re not gonna ask any better fucking questions. My crystal ball tells me I just might be right.

Do you play an instrument?

Yeah, heart strings. Drop-tuned to B-Flat.

Can you sing?

Only when I’m paranoid.

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

That I didn’t waste my time with you. Or with Maylea.

What’s the most important lesson you’ve learned in life?

That women are as useless as men in relationships.

Do you think life has been good so far?

Yeah, me and Bruce Wayne and Sandy Hook share happy stories all the time.

Is there anything you regret doing/not doing in life?

Living with Maylea.

Do you believe in love at first sight?

Not anymore!

Do you kiss on the first date?

No, we hold hands ’til fucking dawn.

Do you have sex on the first date?

Are you fucking serious?

Do you have a favorite color?

Black.

Do you have a favorite number?

One.

Do you have a favorite food?

Comfort.

Do you have a favorite drink?

C’mon, try harder!

Do you have a favorite alcoholic drink?

Four Horsemen with a Long Island chaser. Guessing you don’t have that with you.

Do you have a favorite country?

Japan.

Do you have a favorite animal?

My cat.

Do you have a favorite season?

Winter of discontent.

Do you have a favorite day of the week?

Gosh, I really like Day-day!

Do you have a favorite name?

Elizabeth.

Have you ever been arrested?

A few times. Thanks, Maylea.

Have you ever kissed someone of the same sex?

I’m fucking bi!

Have you ever done something you regret?

Maylea. Ugh. I’m sorry. I realize I’m being a bitch. I’m going through some shit right now, because of who… you can guess. I’m normally half a bitch and even then, I have some charm. Lemme try to show you.

Have you ever smiled for no reason?

I used to, but life goes on. With or without Corky.

Have you ever laughed so hard you cried?

Yeah, when Bjork fell off the couch and into her bowl. Bjork’s my cat.

Have you ever sang to someone for no reason?

Nobody but nobody would want me to sing to them. Not every girl’s a little mermaid.

Have you ever talked to someone you don’t know?

I don’t even know what you look like.

Have you ever been in love?

Yes. A few times. And it always hurts the same when it stops. Guy or girl. Animal, vegetable, or mineral.

Have you ever broken the law?

I almost got married to a woman but she… changed her mind. Like Chev Chelios changes heart conditions.

Have you ever been in a car accident?

Almost, when a guy was driving and I had a mouthful.

Have you ever run into a wall?

After every break-up. Do I mean literally?

Have you ever made yourself cry to get out of trouble?

I’m not that clever. Maylea was, though. She used to make herself throw up to get a few tears out. Fucking psycho.

Have you ever cried over a movie?

Yeah, “Gremlins 2”. I can’t stand whenever something bad happens to Gizmo.

Have you ever been so drunk that you can’t remember?

Once. Never again.

Have you ever stayed home from school?

I was home-schooled, so yes and no.

What do you–

I’m sorry. I gotta cut you off. I thought I was but I’m not ready to talk to anyone. I’m gonna go and… and watch something with Bjork. Something violent. Bye.

[What I knew about Lenora beforehand (besides her name) was that she had a cat named Bjork, what her eyes and hair colors were, that she was a heathen, that she was a geek, that her breasts were uneven (there’s a point to that one, trust me), that her lover left her, that she was bi, and that I didn’t want her to be like Sadie]

Give an earlier work of mine a read. It’s titled “Lie”, it’s about four women who go on vacation to help one of their own through a life-changing decision, and its first four chapters are waiting for you. If you like what you read, you can buy it for only $1.99 wherever eBooks are sold. Thanks for reading.

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