Daily Dialogue: “Tuscan Smear”

Today, I restarted a daily writing exercise I learned from the creator of “Deadwood.” He said that once a day, he set aside 20 minutes to write a scene of dialogue twixt two people. No scene descriptives, no actions, just two people talking to each other. Don’t start with any ideas and write until the 20 minutes pass you by. By doing this, obviously you become better at dialogue. You also get better at figuring out what characters should do, and you get more mindful of time. Today, I wrote “Tuscan Smear”. I didn’t title it until it was finished and I had no notion of what to write nor knew where I was going.

Stephanie
Hey, Gloria, where’s the soap?

Gloria
In the cupboard by the sink, why?

Stephanie
I spilled some soup on my blouse.

Gloria
Oh, soap’s not gonna get that out in time. Too many tomatoes.

Stephanie
Ah fuck. Fuck fuck fuck.

Gloria
Why didn’t you take it off before you ate?

Stephanie
Because I’m not used to taking my clothes off before a meal?

Gloria
Yeah, but it’s soup. Messy soup. With tomatoes. Before your big award.

Stephanie
Keep calling me clueless and I’m gonna hang up.

Gloria
“Hang up?” But I’m right– Oh.

Stephanie
Fuck! I spend a hundred bucks on this!

Gloria
And you make thousands in a week. So what?

Stephanie
Never let money depreciate your value of it. A hundred-dollar anything is worth taking a little bit better care of. Now it’s got a fucking Tuscan smear on it.

Gloria
C’mon, you have a closet, I’m sure that you have at least one more blouse in it.

Stephanie
This one was special, Gloria! I bought it with my first check I got that led me to the award ceremony! It was supposed to be a full-circle event, but now–

Gloria
Now we figure out a way to make it work. Wipe up what you can.

Stephanie
Ugh, I can smell it. I can fucking smell it!

Gloria
We’ll figure out a way to make it work.

Stephanie
How?! I smell like a pizza dumpster!

Gloria
No, you don’t, Steph. You smell like a little tomato and the more time you waste not cleaning, the more you’ll smell like a big tomato. Big tomatoes get thrown out of award ceremonies, don’t they?

Stephanie
Yeah, but–

Gloria
They get thrown at losers, don’t they? And you’re winning something. So shut up and scrub.

Stephanie
But the sm–

Gloria
You have bottles of perfume. Bottles and bottles. While you wipe the stain away, I’ll burn my nose finding the right perfume that won’t clash with your Tuscan Delight.

Stephanie
What’re we gonna do about the stain, Gloria? It looks like that damn rabbit had her period on me.

Gloria
Heh, yeah, it does.

Stephanie
It’s not fucking funny!

Gloria
It is a little… but you’re obviously not in the right state of mind to find it that way.

Stephanie
No shit!

Gloria
Where did land… On your stomach? Do you still have that roll of ribbon? The velvet one?

Stephanie
Yeah, it’s by the rose strippers. But why?

Gloria
To make a bow. To pin on you. To duh.

Stephanie
…that’d actually look fucking cute.

Gloria
I know it would, because I’m a genius. Now work those wrists while I twist you a lovely stain disguise.

Stephanie
You ARE a genius!

Gloria
Yeah, yeah, just remember that next time I need a ride home.

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