Daily Dialogue: The Dead Weight Girlfriend

This weekend warrior spent 20 minutes today writing this conversation, though not entirely pulled from thin air.

Nadine
Ugh, is Stacy bringing her date tonight?

Xena
Don’t hate too much but, yes.

Nadine
Ah, fuck.

Xena
Donate to the swear jar.

Nadine
I hate that you talked me into that.

Xena
We gotta earn that trip somehow.

Nadine
But Stacy’s bringing her fucking lump!

Xena
Jar.

Nadine
I know, I know. But you know!

Xena
Yeah, I don’t understand why she’s so adamant about being taken along with Stacy whenever it’s hangout time, yet never says a word when she’s out.

Nadine
Stacy says that she’s f– awful chatty when they’re at home…

Xena
Good save. And, AND what’s worse: she and Stacy, when they’re out with us, do nothing but have text message convos with each other. There’s rude, there’s rude, and there’s ridiculous.

Nadine
And I’m not saying that they shouldn’t be together.

Xena
Me either.

Nadine
I just want her to stay home if she doesn’t have anything to contribute to the conversation and would rather talk to Stacy on her fucking phone! Jar.

Xena
We’ll be able to have that trip by the end of the night if you keep this up. Who else makes you angry?

Nadine
Francine’s sister.

Xena
Why her?

Nadine
Patrick helped the two move.

Xena
That poor bastard. Shit. Shit!

Nadine
Glad to see that I’m having help with this jar nonsense.

Xena
Didn’t they essentially move from one end of the state to the other?

Nadine
Yup yup yup. There wasn’t enough room in Francine’s car for her and her sister, so she rode with Patrick.

Xena
Yeah.

Nadine
It was about a two-hour trip and Patrick isn’t someone who you’d call a conversation starter.

Xena
Not unless you wanted to know about obscure bands.

Nadine
So the ride was pretty quiet. She talked on the phone a few times, but that’s about it.

Xena
I’m guessing the punchline’s coming soon.

Nadine
Oh, I wish I could punch this bitch. JAR! She complained to Francine that Patrick didn’t say anything to her during the drive.

Xena
Did she pay him?

Nadine
Not even a Coke and a smile.

Xena
So she shouldn’t have fuckall- jar -to say.

Nadine
And I’m like, “Bitch, this is the 21st century. A woman shouldn’t wait for a man to do anything.”

Xena
Not the context I would’ve thought to hear that statement, but you’re right. Jar.

Nadine
Crap, I thought you would’ve let me have that one.

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