Daily Dialogue: Pretenders to the Throne

Closing in on three weeks of this daily-ness. Committing to an idea is great fun, kids. So is putting two women on the page for 20 minutes and seeing what sort of things they’ll say.

Vanessa
I wanna be Batman this time.

Queenie
But you were Batman last time.

Vanessa
No, YOU were. I was Robin.

Queenie
Well, I don’t wanna be Robin.

Vanessa
You don’t have to be Robin. Gotham’s full of crazies and heroic crazies for you to be. But I’m the goddamn Batman.

Queenie
Fine… Ready when you are.

Vanessa
My city is peaceful tonight. Or as peaceful as she can be.

Queenie
I wouldn’t feel so sated, Batman. Plenty of night left. Plenty of night left for me to ruin.

Vanessa
You should know better to make threats to my city…?

Queenie
Folly! You don’t know the face of your favorite class CLOWN? I’m offended, Ratman!

Vanessa
Joker.

Queenie
Yours.

Vanessa
What have you done?

Queenie
Nothing.

Vanessa
You can’t expect me to believe that you would find me only to tell me that you’ve done nothing.

Queenie
I’m a loon! A hoot! A zoot suit riot! I make less sense than a chicken buying a ticket to Canada! So why, just this once, I couldn’t stop by and say hello?

Vanessa
A social call.

Queenie
Well, you don’t have Twitter. Ironically, neither does Penguin.

Vanessa
Stop wasting my time, Joker, and tell me what you’re up to.

Queenie
Nothing! I’m just here to stare in wonder. Riddler’s planning something with Scarecrow and Poison Ivy’s shaving her legs, but I’m up to nothing.

Vanessa
Harley.

Queenie
She left m– I threw her in a ditch and she ended up in Coney Island. Women, right?

Vanessa
I’ll play your game for ten minutes but you better tell me what you’re planning. Or you’ll regret it.

Queenie
As much as you’d like to think, I don’t like getting punched in the face. Or kicked in the stomach. Or thrown into a wall. Or dragged down stairs. Or shot in the neck by one of your Bat-tranqs. So I can’t tell you anything in ten minutes. However, this is ten minutes when nothing happens to me so I better enjoy it. Popcorn?

Vanessa
No thanks.

Queenie
Good, because I don’t have any. This is how you see your bitch, eh? Way up here, hardly any oxygen… The lights must look particularly pleasing. I’ll have to come up here by myself someday.

Vanessa
Breathing training.

Queenie
What?

Vanessa
If you practice breathing at high altitudes, you can survive here without blackouts or hallucinations.

Queenie
Ha! Batman giving ME advice! If only the boils and goils at Arkham could see this! I’ll share a bit of advice. A sliver, a modicum of intelligence from the psychopath.

Vanessa
Go ahead.

Queenie
Never trust the psychopath.

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