Daily Dialogue: The Road Most Traveled

Staying productive on the last day of the year to set an example for myself in the upcoming year. Two women, 20 minutes, randomness, blah, blah, writing is fun, blah. Thanks to everyone who’s found and stuck with me since I started this, and to everyone who’s just found this and is sticking around. Great things are coming next year, with more or less snark.

Elizabeth
Why do I keep doing this to myself? Why do I keep throwing myself so willingly into the deep end?

Ursula
Another failure?

Elizabeth
It’s like it’s the underline of my life, with a big fucking red marker.

Ursula
What happened?

Elizabeth
The same thing that always happens. There are broken records, there are broken records, and there’s fucking ridiculous.

Ursula
Take a deep breath. How long have you been listening to your dirge playlist?

Elizabeth
What?

Ursula
Whenever this situation comes up, you listen to the same songs over and over again. Amy Winehouse’s “Back to Black,” Silversun Pickups’ “Well Thought-Out Twinkles,” David Bowie’s “If I’m Dreaming My Life,” and on and on.

Elizabeth
I know what I listen to. What’s a dirge?

Ursula
A funeral song.

Elizabeth
Oh.

Ursula
Put on a different song and tell me what happened.

Elizabeth
I’ll do one of those. I’m a closet romantic, we both know this.

Ursula
Heart on your sleeve wrapped in iron bars.

Elizabeth
And things have never gone well for me in that regard.

Ursula
Sometimes I think you’re the universe’s dunk booth. Sorry, that’s not helping.

Elizabeth
No. No, the fuck it isn’t. I just wanna be happy, y’know?

Ursula
I know.

Elizabeth
I just want my lack of a love life to stop being a train wreck and let me be brilliant.

Ursula
I’m gonna put you in a more introspective mode.

Elizabeth
If that’s possible.

Ursula
It is, because I had a breakthrough you haven’t had yet. Don’t worry, I’ll pull you out if the miasma of your heartache tries to drown you.

Elizabeth
I guess it’s good to have friends. Ok. Dive away.

Ursula
These almost-loves of yours. Have you noticed anything about them?

Elizabeth
They all fucking suck.

Ursula
Besides the obvious.

Elizabeth
No, it’s hard to get past them fucking sucking.

Ursula
Since I’ve known you, I’ve noticed that every failed chance brings you closer to what you wanted.

Elizabeth
An ulcer?

Ursula
No, no, no.

Elizabeth
Because I’m pretty close.

Ursula
Damnit, no. Each new person who comes along is closer to who you consider is the ideal. I know this because you bitch about that not being in your life.

Elizabeth
Huh.

Ursula
Think about the first one to break your heart and the last person to break your heart.

Elizabeth
I’d rather not.

Ursula
I’m serious, try. How close to what you wanted was the first one compared to the last one?

Elizabeth
What’s your point?

Ursula
I made it already, dummy. Pretty soon, you’re gonna get your dream lover, if the universe enjoys patterns as much as it seems to in your life.

Elizabeth
Could it do it without the heart shredding?

Ursula
You’re a member of the first-world. If a little heartache once in a while is the worst you have to put up with, have a nice cup of shut the fuck up.

Elizabeth
With two sugars and some hazelnut cream…

Ursula
And wait at least a week after meeting the ideal before breaking the iron bars. Three weeks.

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