Daily Dialogue: Pop Culture Education

For 20 minutes on the first day of the new year, I put two women in a dialogue box and type the magic happening with no idea of what they’ll say.

Michelle
How much did we make?

Dana
‘Bout tree fiddy.

Michelle
Uh… huh.

Dana
I guess I’m the only one who watches “South Park.”

Michelle
That’s still on? Wow.

Dana
Why wouldn’t it be?

Michelle
Because I figure everything gets canceled someday.

Dana
“Supernatural” has made it past a decade.

Michelle
And I can’t get a proper “Married… With Children” ending. There are some real crimes in this w– Wait a minute. How much did we make?

Dana
I told you. About three fifty.

Michelle
Oh, I get it now.

Dana
Watch more TV and you’ll learn something.

Michelle
How about I watch less TV and learn something anyway?

Dana
What do you have against the idiot box? Keeping in mind that the name I just used is a misnomer.

Michelle
Commercials. And waiting for the next episode.

Dana
So you’re a binge watcher.

Michelle
The fuck?

Dana
You like to watch an entire series at one time?

Michelle
Why would I do that? I hate waiting, that doesn’t mean that I love rushing. I prefer to move at my own pace.

Dana
A good System of a Down song, by the by.

Michelle
I gotta get you out the house more.

Dana
What?

Michelle
Pop culture junkie much?

Dana
Oh, fie on you. If I was quoting Thackeray or Austen, you’d say that I was cultured.

Michelle
Yeah?

Dana
But I’m sure if you went back to the time they were alive and make a reference to them, you’d give me the same look I get for quoting “Invader Zim.”

Michelle
I highly doubt anyone would compare something by Thackeray to “Dance with us, Gir! Dance with us into oblivion!”

Dana
Ok, maybe that was a wee bit extreme. Wait. Did you just quote “Zim?”

Michelle
I can’t like cartoons?

Dana
It’s just that you seem like you’re against everything not a hundred years old.

Michelle
Well, stop assuming. If you’d have asked, I would’ve told you that I’m annoyed by all the pop culture jokes people breathe now.

Dana
Just like people would’ve been annoyed every time someone quoth “Nevermore” over a century ago.

Michelle
I’m still not following.

Dana
Let’s split our money.

Michelle
No, no, no, go on making your point.

Dana
Never mind. How do you split 350 bucks two ways?

Michelle
One seventy-five each.

Dana
Alright. No, wait. Damnit. There aren’t any fives or ones.

Michelle
So one of us would get 170 and the other would get 180.

Dana
Who’s gonna be the chumpette to draw the short straw.

Michelle
By playing a game.

Dana
Which one?

Michelle
Hide the Soul.

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