Daily Dialogue: Meteors and Milkshakes

For forty minutes, two women figure out what to tell me to write. No horror for a while, though. I wanna keep it fresh, which means taking a break once in a while.

Meg
I think this is… No, I know this is the best milkshake ever.

Leigh
Why, does it come with a new car?

Meg
Uh, no. Because it’s awesome?

Leigh
Awesome means that it comes with a new car.

Meg
I know you just lost your car, but stop trying to bring down my milkshake high.

Leigh
I didn’t lose it. A meteor came fucking crashing down on it.

Meg
It’s kinda the same thing. Your car’s not around, right?

Leigh
No! Because an alien threw up on it!

Meg
Aliens don’t throw up meteors. They can’t because they don’t exist.

Leigh
I think milkshake highs make you stupid. C’mon, I’m crying out for emotional support over here!

Meg
You’re right, you’re right. Will your insurance take care of it?

Leigh
Apparently, meteors don’t count as acts of god even though it came from the heavens, so I’m screwed in that regard.

Meg
Will NASA pay for it?

Leigh
They don’t know I exist! They got their space turd and took off!

Meg
I guess you can’t sue the universe for damages, so a lawsuit is out.

Leigh
I even had to pay for my car to be towed! The city couldn’t even give me THAT fucking bit of decency!

Meg
Huh. They really know how to twist the blade, don’t they?

Leigh
So excuse me for thinking a lot about a new car.

Meg
You’re excused. I guess.

Leigh
Gee, thanks.

Meg
You need some milkshake.

Leigh
I don’t need some milkshake.

Meg
You need some milkshake.

Leigh
I don’t need some milkshake.

Meg
TAKE THE CUP AND SUCK.

Leigh
…I do this out of protest.

Meg
You do this because I crack the whip.

Leigh
I say, I say, that is some good dairy.

Meg
Told you.

Leigh
Where’d you get it?

Meg
I made it! With love. And malt. Mostly love. And malt.

Leigh
What’s the flavor? It’s all over the place, but not in a bad way.

Meg
It’s Meg’s special secret recipe. Or rather, I forgot.

Leigh
Almost as tragic as my car. How much is left?

Meg
What’s in the cup and what’s in the blender.

Leigh
Do you have any marshmallow fluff?

Meg
I like the way you think.

Leigh
Still won’t get me a car.

Meg
Ugh, back to this again?

Leigh
It’s my car! I’m an American! Do you know what it’s like to be an American without a car?!

Meg
Ew. No.

Leigh
See?

Meg
Do you have anywhere to go that’s important?

Leigh
Just work in a few days. This was supposed to be my vacation. I was supposed to drive to sleazy places and turn down copious amounts of men before going home revved up for a night of Bangkok with my man!

Meg
You have a strange sense of foreplay.

Leigh
What?

Meg
Most people just watch porn, not risk pulling a Jodi Foster in that one movie.

Leigh
“Silence of the Lambs?”

Meg
No, the other one… “The Accused.”

Leigh
What happened in that one?

Meg
She was raped. She won an Oscar.

Leigh
Oh, well at least something worked out for her. “Silence of the Lambs” had that guy who threw his… stuff in her hair, though. Nothing good came from that.

Meg
She got promoted, and got to spend some time with that Hannibal Lecter.

Leigh
Wait. How did we get on this subject?

Meg
We were talking about how you were a weird horndog and definitely not about your car.

Leigh
My car!

Meg
Damnit…

Leigh
I loved that car!

Meg
I know, Leigh. I know.

Leigh
It wasn’t my first or second or third, but I loved it anyway. Or forth.

Meg
I get it, you’ve had lots of cars. Gimme my cup back.

Leigh
I think you not getting your milkshake turns you into a bitch.

Meg
It’s awesome!

Leigh
That is true. Ha, you’re probably gonna get the DTs when it’s gone.

Meg
DTs?

Leigh
Delirium tremens. The shakes that addicts get when they don’t get their fix in a long time.  Some die.

Meg
I don’t think I’ll get them. You might if you don’t get a car.

Leigh
My car!

Meg
Damnit…

Leigh
What am I gonna do?

Meg
You could buy another one.

Leigh
I can’t afford a good one, though.

Meg
With the way you’ve been acting, that won’t matter.

Leigh
Thanks for being supportive.

Meg
I just don’t want you to foam at the mouth on my carpet. That’d be a waste of good milkshake.

Leigh
Where do I find a not-good car?

Meg
Where do you find good cars?

Leigh
Dealerships.

Meg
Well, there you go.

Leigh
But…

Meg
You’ll just have to go to one without a mini bar.

Leigh
You know, I always thought that was a little irresponsible.

Meg
Didn’t stop you from drinking the tiny bottles.

Leigh
No, it did not. I guess that’s something to look forward to, not having to worry about failing a breathalyzer test right out the lot.

Meg
You should find an insurance company with meteor coverage, though.

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