Daily Dialogue: Trailer Park Dreams

It’s late, but you gotta commit. Besides, it’s only 40 minutes that I have to write two women talking each other with me being utterly clueless. No biggie.

Tori
I hate customers. I really do.

Alanis
Why so glum, chum?

Tori
I told you. The customers. They suck.

Alanis
I figured that much out. I’m querying as to why.

Tori
Because they’re mouthbreathers with sticky hands and no shame.

Alanis
Sticky? You mean they give you sticky money or they touch your bum?

Tori
Or all three? Ding-ding.

Alanis
Men are pigs.

Tori
It’s not always men.

Alanis
Really? You go girl.

Tori
Did you really just say that? But seriously, why me? I have what I think is a normal white-girl ass.

Alanis
Hey, desperate people don’t–

Tori
Finish it. I dare you.

Alanis
But you said a bad thing about your ass…

Tori
Because it’s mine! Only two people can talk about it. And the other one doesn’t speak English.

Alanis
That guy at the car wash?

Tori
My cat.

Alanis
I think cats have more to talk about than how you fill out yoga pants.

Tori
One person, then.

Alanis
I thought you’d be flattered that people are admiring your bum.

Tori
I prefer it to be behind closed doors and with someone whose name I know. Not Perv McGrabby.

Alanis
See, you know his name.

Tori
You’re really asking for this boot to your ass.

Alanis
Hey, don’t be jealous because mine is plump from cornbread and squats. Are we really gonna talk about each other’s butts all day?

Tori
I was trying to forget about today, but you got wise.

Alanis
What did customers do, besides court sexual harassment cases?

Tori
There was a boy running around and tossing a hula hoop in the air. He fell down and started calling everything bullshit, then he sat on a bench and started calling customers who passed him bad names.

Alanis
I see. Why didn’t you beat him?

Tori
The law.

Alanis
Why didn’t his parents beat him?

Tori
Defeat.

Alanis
Reason 9,037 not to have kids. Was that all?

Tori
Two trailer park girls run ’round the outside.

Alanis
‘Round the outside?

Tori
‘Round the outside. Actually, it was two boys around my register, but I did see a few trailer park girls.

Alanis
Did their parents beat them?

Tori
Their father was smuggling a puppy out of the store and–

Alanis
What?

Tori
Yup.

Alanis
But you store doesn’t sell puppies.

Tori
Curiouser and curiouser. Their mother gave them The Look. They’re probably sleeping standing up tonight.

Alanis
They better. What about these trailer park girls?

Tori
They weren’t actually a problem. But their lives were.

Alanis
How does that work out?

Tori
The woman I was ringing up had a problem with her credit card that involved a fuck ton of time and a talk with my manager. At my register. Because of that, I could hear the conversation of those ol’ trailer park girls.

Alanis
Before I go along with you being judgmental, what made you think they lived in a trailer park?

Tori
Because they were talking about the trailer park they lived in.

Alanis
Oh. Can’t beat that.

Tori
Anywho. They were talking about a bonfire they had last night. A few friends were over… and a crazy guy walks out of the nearby trees and starts drying off his coat in the fire.

Alanis
Shut the fuck up!

Tori
Turns out, he was one of the people who lived in the park. A trailer with a red light up top.

Alanis
A red light? What was he, a pimp?

Tori
Heroin dealer.

Alanis
What.

Tori
When he went back to his trailer, cops raided it and took him and his roomie away. There’s more to this night, by the way.

Alanis
How long was the woman talking to you manager?

Tori
Long enough to let me hear some more stuff, and to get taken away by the guard.

Alanis
Aw, how is Jorge?

Tori
He’s good. Still waiting on his adoption papers to clear.

Alanis
I love that homo. Back to the bonfire.

Tori
One of their neighboring trailers had the family home, and strange noises were coming from it through a chunk of the night. At one point, the dad came out on his back porch nude except for cowboy boots.

Alanis
When you say “family,” you mean…

Tori
Mommy, Daddy, Son, and Daughter.

Alanis
What’s wrong with people?

Tori
Dunno, but one day, the girls saw the son and daughter in the back of a flatbed for a while and didn’t come up for a long time.

Alanis
We gotta move to a trailer park.

Tori
No, we don’t gotta.

Alanis
Yes, we gotta!

Tori
Why we gotta?

Alanis
Can you imagine how rewarding people-watching will be with that level of craziness going on? It’d be like watching reality TV except I can keep my dignity.

Tori
You wanna move to a trailer park solely to watch people. How much dignity do you suppose you’ll have left?

Alanis
Enough to still be the judge instead of the prosecuted.

Tori
Well, if you wanna walk home one night and have a guy jump out at you, then run into a forest, be my guest.

Alanis
That happened to you?

Tori
One of those girls’ stories.

Alanis
C’mon, tell me that doesn’t wanna make you hitch up!

Tori
Ok. It doesn’t.

Alanis
You need to live.

Tori
Yes, I do. That’s why I’m not moving to a place with heroin dealers and crazy guys with wet coats.

Alanis
So you wouldn’t be adverse to moving to a park without those people?

Tori
I don’t wanna move into a trailer park! And if you do, I’m not visiting you!

Alanis
Classist.

Tori
Oh, hush.

Alanis
You wouldn’t be my friend because of where I’d live. Sounds like you’re a supporter for gentrification.

Tori
I don’t mind people living in trailer parks! I just don’t want anything do with them.

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