Daily Dialogue: Your Loving Arms

Two women attack, decay, sustain, and release their way through my mind for forty minutes.

Billie
How’d things go last night?

Leigh
I made a new friend.

Billie
That’s good.

Leigh
No. It’s not. I’m tired of making friends, Billie.

Billie
Gee, thanks…

Leigh
Making friends, not having friends, doof. I’m not a greedy woman, so I’m happy with the friends I have.

Billie
Aw. We’re happy, too. Except Trish, but that’s what happens when you invite someone who hates babies to a baby shower.

Leigh
Hey, I warned her.

Billie
We all did. So, what were you expecting to do last night if not make– Oh.

Leigh
Yeah. Is the tea done?

Billie
Cups are already laid out. Wasn’t it a speed dating something-or-other?

Leigh
Yeah.

Billie
And you managed to make a friend.

Leigh
A friend who went home with another woman.

Billie
Ouch.

Leigh
But that’s fine because he’ll call me. Hoo-ray. What’s wrong with this tea?

Billie
What do you mean?

Leigh
What bag did you use?

Billie
Ginseng and honey.

Leigh
This tastes like neither.

Billie
Oh, quit being a baby.

Leigh
I’m serious. I mean, I can kinda taste it… Is it supposed to be black?

Billie
“Is it supposed to be black?” It’s ginseng.

Leigh
Look at it, bitch.

Billie
Why is it black? And smells like– Oh, crumbs.

Leigh
What?

Billie
I forgot to take out the coffee grounds in the percolator before brewing the water.

Leigh
And the Darwin Award goes to…

Billie
Hey, that wasn’t a life-or-death situation. If that counts, then you not getting a date last night gets an award because you can’t keep your line going. I’m sorry.

Leigh
No, I deserved it, I called you a bitch.

Billie
Yeah, over coffee grounds. I shouldn’t have stabbed so deeply.

Leigh
Neither of us owns a TARDIS, so no use dwelling.

Billie
It’s probably a fixed point in time, anyway. Wanna talk about last night?

Leigh
What’s to say? Same shit, new dress.

Billie
Ew.

Leigh
Sorry. But it’s true. The leitmotif of my love life is the lack of it. You heard one story, you heard ’em all, and you heard that one story many times.

Billie
I could recite it in the dark, I could.

Leigh
So why bother going over it again?

Billie
To laugh?

Leigh
I’m past the point of laughing at pain anymore.

Billie
Back to crying?

Leigh
I don’t go in circles.

Billie
What’s past crying and laughing?

Leigh
Impotence.

Billie
Huh?

Leigh
Emotional impotence. The absence of caring.

Billie
So… You don’t care about dating?

Leigh
No. I’d like to date someday, but I don’t care enough to try.

Billie
It’s not really absence, is it?

Leigh
What would you call it?

Billie
Nigh-ambivalence?

Leigh
Look at the English major.

Billie
Hey, prefixes are more fun than people give them credit for.

Leigh
And you’re the only person for miles who thinks so.

Billie
That’s fine, I only need me to. What was the woman like who your new friend left with?

Leigh
Homely.

Billie
Really? That’s demoralizing.

Leigh
Preaching to the zealots.

Billie
Maybe he thought you were too awesome to be with.

Leigh
The first time that happened, it was flattering. Not so much, approaching the tenth time.

Billie
Oh yeah. Them.

Leigh
Yes. Them. I can’t believe you left the coffee grounds in. And didn’t notice something was wrong.

Billie
I recall you thinking everything was swell until you drank it.

Leigh
Because you’re a tea hoarder! Up until I met you, I thought Lipton’s was the only tea around. I stopped caring about what kind of tea you offered after my fourth time over here.

Billie
Emotional impotence.

Leigh
Ha. Ha.

Billie
So, what do you want?

Leigh
That Chinese Gunpowder tea. It has a fucking awesome name.

Billie
I meant with relationships.

Leigh
A wingman.

Billie
Why not ask me?

Leigh
Because you hate people.

Billie
Yet I love gatherings. And I want you to stop being a sad lump–

Leigh
Heh.

Billie
–and get some love outta life. I don’t need it, but you’re one of those romantics.

Leigh
STARVED romantics.

Billie
But not starved enough to sell your dignity on reality TV.

Leigh
I’ll throw myself down an up escalator before that happens.

Billie
Tumbling towards entropy.

Leigh
But yeah, I need a wingman.

Billie
I told you: I’m your huckleberry.

Leigh
Are you sure you won’t do the social equivalent of leaving the coffee grounds in?

Billie
Ugh. You’re never gonna let me live that down, will you?

Leigh
Not even at your wake.

Billie
Dunno why after suffering such indignities, but I’ll play nice with the masses if it’ll get you cuddles and kisses and WUV.

Leigh
Could you not put it that way?

Billie
What? WUV?

Leigh
Yes, please.

Billie
What’s wrong with WUV?

Leigh
It makes you sound five.

Billie
I’m just talking about WUV.

Leigh
Say it again and you’re drinking my tea.

Billie
Sorry.

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