Daily Dialogue: Convincing Thievery

Randomness collides with words for 40 minutes everyday as I wrangle two women in my mind and write their conversation.

Cassie
It’s just that…

Gemma
Yeah?

Cassie
We don’t really need to steal her cat, do we?

Gemma
Of course, we do. She got me fired and always goes on about her cat. So… we steal her cat. Make her suffer.

Cassie
The cat?

Gemma
No, we’ll treat the cat as if were our own. Better, even. It had to live with Justine, after all.

Cassie
Oh, ok. Wouldn’t it be simpler to just punch her?

Gemma
I have a glass hand, she might punch back, and I want her to suffer. She can’t suffer if she fights back after taking a glass punch anywhere.

Cassie
The shards might sever an artery, but you’re right. Wait. Why am I helping you steal?

Gemma
Because we’re friends?

Cassie
Friends don’t help friends break the law.

Gemma
Because she deserves it?

Cassie
Karma will get her. And if not, the cold entropy of death will.

Gemma
Because I asked you to?

Cassie
You ask me to do a lot of things.

Gemma
Because I’ll tell your girlfriend that you were cheating on her?

Cassie
You’re sick. You’re fucking sick. I’d never cheat on her.

Gemma
Yeah, but I’m your best friend. If your spouse’s bestie told you something, you’d be hard-pressed to not believe them. And cheating is, sadly, so prevalent in this species of ours. She might not believe me at first, I wouldn’t have any proof, but the seed would be planted. Every time an attractive woman, or man, passes by you, it’ll get watered. Every time you’re a little late getting home, it’ll get sun. Until one day, it sprouts and cracks open your dearest’s skull, taking rationality and your relationship with it. All because you wouldn’t help me steal a cat. Isn’t Anna your Neo?

Cassie
I hate you.

Gemma
Hate me later. We have to steal a cat.

Cassie
I’ll tell her that you’re lying, and why you’re lying.

Gemma
Wanna add shit to help the seed grow? You tell her that I was lying because you wouldn’t help me steal a cat. I’ll catch you on a rerun of “Maury.” You’ll break up the monotony of those paternity test episodes.

Cassie
I fucking hate you.

Gemma
But you’ll help me, anyway. Because you’re in love. I could never be in love.

Cassie
No shit.

Gemma
Well, I could be in love, I’d just try very hard not to be. It makes you do the stupidest things. Things you’d never, EVER agree to otherwise. I know that love is gonna turn me into a fucking retard, so I better make sure that they’re worth it. I bet Anna’s worth it to you.

Cassie
Don’t say her name again.

Gemma
I bet you’d gargle curdled milk for Anna.

Cassie
SAY HER NAME AGAIN, BITCH, AND I SWEAR I’LL–

Gemma
You’ll do what? Kill me? Because I said a name, or because you wouldn’t help me steal a cat? Let’s see how well that’ll hold up in court.

Cassie
Anna will–

Gemma
What? Wait for you? Because you murdered your best friend? Oh, how deluded love makes people… I guess hate makes people as irrational. I mean, I hate Justine. I’m gonna steal her cat and you’re gonna help me. But at least it isn’t murder.

Cassie
What…

Gemma
Hmm?

Cassie
…what’s the plan?

Gemma
That’s my girl.

Cassie
I’m not your girl. I’m not your friend. And after this, I’m nothing to you. I never wanna see or hear from you again.

Gemma
Cats make better company, anyway. They have the decency to bury the shit they cause. As for the plan, we start by going to Justine’s house later tonight. She lets her cat out after dinner so it can frolic or whatever.

Cassie
You staked out her house?

Gemma
How else can one plan a theft, silly. Haven’t you watched “Heat?” Anywho, we steal the cat by distracting it with bags of peppermint tea. Catnip’s a mint, but I couldn’t find any, so I bought a box of peppermint tea and tried it out on a few alley cats.

Cassie
You wandered alleys?

Gemma
A thief has to test their plan, don’t they? Besides, if it works on something feral, it’ll work on something domesticated. All experiments were a success. They were too doped-up on nip to care about me getting close enough to grab them. So that’s just what we’ll do to Justine’s cat.

Cassie
And put it where?

Gemma
I have a box for that.

Cassie
What if she sees us?

Gemma
She won’t because you’ll call her on her house phone.

Cassie
Why me?

Gemma
Because grabbing the cat is the hard part, and I wanna make this as easy as possible for my friend.

Cassie
Don’t you dare call me that after saying all that before.

Gemma
But I still consider you a friend. You may hate me now and will probably do so for at least the rest of your life, but I’ll always think of you as my friend. My best friend.

Cassie
Why did a fucking psycho like you get fired, anyway?

Gemma
Because I saw her cheating on her husband in the break room. It was after work so they thought everyone went home. I was busy preparing for the next day… then I saw her with a janitor.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: