Daily Dialogue: Dying and Recovering

Due to yesterday being hectic and a headache taking me down, I wasn’t able to write anything. But I’m back to normal now and with great news: I got a professional screenwriting job. Signed the contract Tuesday. As for now, two new women are up to my same old tricks. Talking to each other for 40 minutes with nothing planned.

Dana
Can life really be so bad?

Tricia
Depends on who you ask. The starving man has a different opinion than the wealthy man.

Dana
I’m not talking about economics, though.

Tricia
What are you talking about, then?

Dana
Just… life. Can it be so bad?

Tricia
Compared to what? Death?

Dana
Yeah.

Tricia
Well, I have no idea what happens after I can’t wake up anymore, so I’d have to say that life’s pretty good.

Dana
But what if death’s better?

Tricia
Can’t see how. Unless you count that psychedelic trip your brain gives you to sail you into the great nothing.

Dana
It does what now?

Tricia
Scientists found out recently that’s what happens when you die. Death is an acid trip, man.

Dana
I thought you didn’t know what happens when you die.

Tricia
I meant after that. With the info-crazed society we have now, I thought that would’ve been all over the place now.

Dana
Nyet. That’s what happens? Really? I better not take any of those drugs, then.

Tricia
Why?

Dana
They say that your first psychedelic trip is the most intense. Why deprive my good-guy brain the chance to astound me one last time?

Tricia
So you’ve never tripped before?

Dana
No, I’m too in love with my mental faculties to try something like that. You?

Tricia
Too afraid.

Dana
Why?

Tricia
I hear it’s essentially a direct tap into your subconscious. Whatever things you keep deep inside are put on parade and you can’t get away.

Dana
So it’d help to not hate yourself.

Tricia
Yeah. And to accept yourself.

Dana
See? Even death is telling you to love yourself.

Tricia
How can I? I’m so dirty.

Dana
You’re still carrying the baggage that abusive fuck made you carry. It’s a good thing you didn’t know me when you were with him. Or is it a bad thing…

Tricia
I get it, but he’s gone now and that’s what’s important.

Dana
He’s obviously not if you still think of yourself the way he made you.

Tricia
I was with him for three years and without him for eight months. Excuse me for not being quick on the recovery.

Dana
Has he tried getting in contact with you since last time?

Tricia
No, I got a P.O. Box like you told me, and changed my number so only important people and people who don’t know him have it.

Dana
Aw, I’m important.

Tricia
You do bake a mean cake.

Dana
Only good for cake, am I?

Tricia
And conversation. I guess. And today, I didn’t get sad when I woke up with him not there.

Dana
After eight months? You better had. But seriously, I’m proud of you.

Tricia
I’m proud of me, too… but I still miss him, sometimes. And I know what you’re gonna say, but you don’t know the job he did on me. The brainwashing and the–

Dana
I was gonna say that I understand. A few months ago, I wouldn’t have. Since then, I’ve learned to speak Tricia. A very odd language.

Tricia
I’m surprised you can get through my chicken scratch writing.

Dana
Hey, I didn’t say that I could read Tricia. That’s gonna take at least another year, so don’t write any legally-binding papers just yet.

Tricia
Darn. I was gonna draw up my will, too.

Dana
Which is a great way to go back to my question: can life be so bad? I mean, you spent three years of yours in an abusive relationship.

Tricia
Yeah, but I’m not four years old. And I still feel like shit, but it won’t last. I’ll eventually get over it and regenerate into The Third Tricia.

Dana
Third?

Tricia
The first one was life before the darkness. The second one is life in the darkness.

Dana
Ah. What do you want life after the darkness to be like.

Tricia
Bright.

Dana
Ha. Ha.

Tricia
I’d like to think that I won’t fall into another chasm, but people are stupid and love magnifies that stupidity. I can only hope that my strong arm is there to protect me.

Dana
As long as I don’t get splashed with love’s stupid juice, you can count on me.

Tricia
Is there someone on your radar?

Dana
No, but you know how these things go. Living your life until one day, you’re living their life.

Tricia
Yeah…

Dana
Oh, Tricia, I’m sorry.

Tricia
Don’t worry about it. I’m traumatized, not delicate. I don’t wanna kill myself every time someone makes an unintentional reference to old pain.

Dana
That’s good.

Tricia
Otherwise, my blood would’ve been on your hands the week after we met.

Dana
Did you know that the English make pudding out of blood?

Tricia
What? What’s it called?

Dana
Blood pudding.

Tricia
THAT’S blood pudding? I thought it was… I dunno, cherry pudding. Or strawberry pudding.

Dana
Nope. Type-O pudding for you.

Tricia
What’s kidney pie?

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