Daily Dialogue: Pickled Geeks

I write the rantings and ravings of two women for 40 minutes everyday.

Lisa
Pickles!

Amy
Yeah…?

Lisa
I want pickles!

Amy
Are you pregnant?

Lisa
No, what’s that have to do with anything?

Amy
Pregnant women tend to want pickles on everything.

Lisa
That’s a narrow-minded view on pregnant women, wouldn’t you say?

Amy
Show me one who wouldn’t love a good pickle.

Lisa
Amusing, since a pickle got them into that mess.

Amy
What? Oh yeah. Heh. You’re nasty.

Lisa
That nickname was ages before me. I think it’s an odd one. I mean, I’ve never come across a guy who was green.

Amy
Heh. Come.

Lisa
Get your mind out of the red light district, please.

Amy
But the colors, Lisa! The colors!

Lisa
There’s one color.

Amy
That’s a narrow-minded view of prostitutes, wouldn’t you say?

Lisa
They’re not red.

Amy
Red? I was talking about races.

Lisa
I was talking about the red light.

Amy
Oh.

Lisa
Yeah.

Amy
So… Why do you want pickles?

Lisa
Because it’s been a long time since I’ve had one.

Amy
Tee-hee.

Lisa
Pussy willows, nuts, booby trap, cock-a-doodle-doo. Can we move away now?

Amy
Heh, yeah. What kind of pickle do you want?

Lisa
I like ’em spicy.

Amy
They only come salty.

Lisa
Heh.

Amy
Hey. If I have to grow up, so do you.

Lisa
Yeah, you’re right. Sorry. Spicy pickles exist.

Amy
Sounds like someone played a cruel joke on the candy shop.

Lisa
Candy shop?

Amy
That’s where I usually got mine.

Lisa
Oh. And spicy pickles are fantastic.

Amy
They sound like a blight against humanity. Like hunger and the Oscars. I mean, really, why do we care so much about a ceremony we can’t vote in?

Lisa
Back to pickles.

Amy
Back to pickles.

Lisa
The spicy ones are not, ARE NOT a blight against humanity and I’m offended that you think so.

Amy
I’m used to an explosion of salty juice in my mouth. You know what? Let’s talk about something else. This conversation can only embarrass me more and more. Get your damned cucumber later.

Lisa
Fair enough. You’re not hungry?

Amy
Any response I give after such a convo can only dig me deeper in my hole, so I refuse to answer.

Lisa
Boring. Not even a little hungry?

Amy
LISA.

Lisa
Ok, ok… I talked to Heather yesterday.

Amy
Oh yeah? How’s the tramp?

Lisa
Tramp?

Amy
She stole the guy I was after, even after I told her I was after him, so she’s a tramp.

Lisa
What? When did this happen?

Amy
A few years ago.

Lisa
Why didn’t you tell me?

Amy
I have enough shame in my life. I don’t need the world knowing.

Lisa
But we could’ve cut her hair in her sleep and put the clippings in her gas tank.

Amy
…what did she do to you?

Lisa
Nothing, but I hate when people do things like that. And I’ve never had the opportunity to punish them.

Amy
A true warrior of love and justice.

Lisa
In the name of the moon–

Amy and Lisa
I will punish you!

Amy
Oh, I loved “Sailor Moon.”

Lisa
I thought you loved one of the Sailor Scouts.

Amy
I do, I meant the show.

Lisa
Oh yeah, they do have to same name. Sailor Mercury?

Amy
Why, because both our names are Amy? Awful lazy of you.

Lisa
Fine. Who?

Amy
Sailor Saturn.

Lisa
The death and destruction Scout? Why her?

Amy
Because of the death. And destruction.

Lisa
You seem so chipper, though. Like Sailor Jupiter or Sailor Venus.

Amy
A chipper gal who loves death and destruction. And Saturn has a glaive. A glaive! How can you not love someone who brings a glaive into battle?

Lisa
Ok, I’ll give you that one.

Amy
A glaive!

Lisa
You made your point! Have you ever dressed up like her?

Amy
No. The costume’s in my closet but I save it for special occasions.

Lisa
You have a costume?

Amy
Made a costume.

Lisa
Geek. What’s the special occasion?

Amy
Sexy time.

Lisa
Guys like it when you dress up as Sailor Saturn?

Amy
The ones who don’t know who she is think I’m being kinky and look like a Japanese school girl. The ones who do know think I’m awesome. The costume doesn’t stay on long, in either case.

Lisa
It works like that, eh? Maybe I should make a costume.

Amy
Stay away from Saturn.

Lisa
No, not Saturn. Pluto. I liked her hair and her giant staff.

Amy
Key.

Lisa
Huh?

Amy
It was a giant key.

Lisa
You must really love that show.

Amy
Got me into short skirts, thigh-high boots, and feelings of accomplishment.

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