Daily Dialogue: Bullets and Knives

Today’s 40-minute dialogue challenge is to write an action scene with two women. What kind of idiot writes a verbally-driven action sequence? Will this act of creative stupidity work? Let’s find out. Let’s rock(?).

Bullets
Open the door! Open the door!

Knives
If you can hack through a steel door any faster with a plasma sword, you go right ahead.

Bullets
They’re coming!

Knives
No, really? I thought that sound of impending doom was my car alarm.

Bullets
You drive a piece of shit, why do you need an alarm?

Knives
How dare!

Bullets
Just pretend my face is the door and get pissed at that.

Knives
You don’t need to tell me twice. Load up and start shooting.

Bullets
I have two guns. They are at least fifty coming down that hall!

Knives
Aim for the kneecaps of the ones at front, stupid!

Bullets
That won’t kill ’em!

Knives
No, but it’ll really mess up their day AND trip the ones behind then when they fall over. Maybe we’ll get lucky and a few shoot themselves.

Bullets
Right! How much door is left?

Knives
I can kinda see outside!

Bullets
Bailamos, then, you crippled hunks!

Knives
That’s coldblooded.

Bullets
What?

Knives
You can’t tell– Whoa!

Bullets
Sorry, I wasn’t expecting that guy to catch so much hang time.

Knives
You can’t tell people you’re maiming to dance!

Bullets
Why not? They’re trying to kill us!

Knives
Yeah, but there’s cruel and there’s– We’re out! Eat lead, Special Olympics!

Bullets
Where’s your piece of shit?

Knives
It’s– Hey!

Bullets
I’ll apologize if we survive!

Knives
Fair enough. It’s two blocks away.

Bullets
Which way?

Knives
Thataway!

Bullets
With the tank?!

Knives
What do you m– Oh, sweet fuck, they have a tank! When did they get a tank?!

Bullets
Why’d you park near a tank?!

Knives
It wasn’t there when I parked!

Bullets
Do you think they know what we look like?

Knives
No, all the cameras were taken out. The only thing they have on us is that we have guns and swords.

Bullets
Good. Distract ’em.

Knives
How am I supposed to do that?!

Bullets
Flashing them.

Knives
WHAT?!

Bullets
You saw what life was like in there for those thugs. Porn everywhere and ne’er a woman in sight. I think they’d like a quick look at your goods.

Knives
Why can’t you do it?

Bullets
Because I’m built like a boy and would just piss them off. And I don’t wanna live down the irony of being named “Bullets” and being killed by a tank’s cannon.

Knives
What the fuck are you gonna do?

Bullets
Sneak up on top, open up the top, and open fire. Then! Ha! Then we’ll have a tank!

Knives
And if they shoot me?

Bullets
Have you seen your boobs? Not even a flaming queen would harm those.

Knives
Aw, you think so?

Bullets
I know so. Now go show those pervs what they can’t have.

Knives
Done and done. Take my blades, go around the back, and I’ll go around the front.

Bullets
Do what you have to except jumping jacks. I don’t want you knocking yourself unconscious again.

Knives
It was one time! Ugh, that’s the last time I tell you stuff like that.

Bullets
Shut up and jiggle. See you in a minute. And remember: duck.

Knives
Yoo-hoo! Tank people! I know this is a strange and unexpected circumstance but I’m a bit of an exhibitionist nymphomaniac and I’ve always wanted to be oogled by someone in a tank. My father beat me and my mother didn’t breastfeed me, so I’m all kinds of fucked up. Oh, how my boobies need to be free! Gaze upon my works, ye mighty, and despair! I call this one “Grasper” and this one “Keeper.” This one wants to be grasped and this one wants to keep your lips on–

Bullets
DUCK!! WELCOME TO MY BULLET OPERA, BITCHES!! Ok, they’re dead.

Knives
Swell. Gimme, gimme.

Bullets
Grasper and Keeper?

Knives
Damnit. You’re not gonna bring this up again, are you?

Bullets
…of course not.

Knives
Ew, there’s blood everywhere.

Bullets
Because I shot them up.

Knives
I’m not getting in there.

Bullets
Fine, then sit on– Fuck, another alarm!

Knives
What’re we gonna do?

Bullets
I hear motorcycles. This tank can’t outrun ’em and only has the cannon. They can’t hurt us, but they can make out lives miserable and follow us to our base.

Knives
So? I’m outside. I have my babies back. It’s time to show ’em why I’m called “Sawbones.”

Bullets
With Grasper and Keeper.

Knives
Shut up and drive!

Bullets
Yes, ma’am!

Knives
Here they come!

Bullets
I come with kniiiiiiiiiiiiiives!

Knives
IAMX for life! Alright, you putt-putt-fucks! Who wants to be first?! Chains? You’re gonna bring chains to a swordfight?! There goes your head! Next contestant! Pipe?! Dead! Another pipe! Another dead! Ooo, a knife! You get both blades for being fucking stupid! Why don’t any of you have guns?! Uh oh. Bullets!

Bullets
Knives?!

Knives
They brought guns!

Bullet
Fuck! Swap!

Knives
But, ew! Fine!

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