Daily Dialogue: Money-Shaped Holes

Forty minutes a day, I write the musings of a couple of made-up women.

Jaden
How’s life?

Ingrid
…meh.

Jaden
But you’re alive.

Ingrid
…meh.

Jaden
Everyday above ground is a good day.

Ingrid
Tell that to the ones with spina bifida.

Jaden
So, what you’re saying is that this day isn’t one of your best.

Ingrid
…meh.

Jaden
Why so glum, chum? Cham? Chimmy? What’s the female version of chum?

Ingrid
I’m broke.

Jaden
That’s not– Oh. You’re always broke, what’s your point?

Ingrid
But this time, I’m really, really broke.

Jaden
How are you really, really broke?

Ingrid
It’s like the woman who grew up nude and didn’t know she was nude until someone said, “Bitch, you nude, girl.”

Jaden
“Bitch, you nude, girl?” Wait, are we talking about Nell?

Ingrid
Nell?

Jaden
You know, that movie with Jodie Foster where she lived in a forest until that guy from “Taken” found her.

Ingrid
I prefer to think of him as Darkman. And no, I’m not talking about Nell. I was speaking generally, and you ruined it.

Jaden
Sorry. The video store near my house is closing and I’ve been buying discounted DVDs like mad.

Ingrid
And you didn’t tell me?

Jaden
Well, you’re broke. Really, really broke.

Ingrid
I’m really, really broke!

Jaden
See? I didn’t wanna rock the boat even more.

Ingrid
All their DVDs?

Jaden
Yup.

Ingrid
Even the out-of-print Criterions?

Jaden
Yup.

Ingrid
Oh, damn your eyes!

Jaden
So, why are you being all Nell about money?

Ingrid
Because of things like that, and my sucky job, and bills, and–

Jaden
I got it, I got it. Get a better job.

Ingrid
Yeah, maybe when Rosie the Riveter was new on the scene.

Jaden
What?

Ingrid
Y’know, Rosie the Riveter? “We can do it!”? WWII?

Jaden
Oh yeah, her. What’s she got to do with anything?

Ingrid
I was pointing out that WWII had jobs for days, unlike now.

Jaden
It also had a lot of death. And sexism. And racism.

Ingrid
Yeah, but I would’ve had a better job!

Jaden
Doing what?

Ingrid
I dunno. Anything’s better than being a desk jockey. I’d work in a factory. Or be one of those models who gets painted on planes.

Jaden
Vain much?

Ingrid
Hey, those girls had class. And any reason to wear hot pants is ok with me.

Jaden
Can you still fit in hot pants?

Ingrid
How dare!

Jaden
I’m just saying. You seem pretty mopey and I see that… two-pound bag(?) of Twizzlers is almost gone.

Ingrid
Hey, licorice is low-fat.

Jaden
Not that kind.

Ingrid
What talkin’ ’bout?

Jaden
Black licorice is the low-fat treat. Ditto celery.

Ingrid
Maybe because your body rots a little after eating them? Yuck.

Jaden
You’re gonna have such a muffin top in those hot pants.

Ingrid
Fuck you, no. I still have the washboard tummy with a little flab that hot pants love.

Jaden
Little flab? I can see your ribs when you stretch.

Ingrid
Which means my Twizzler diet this week isn’t gonna ruin me. Ha, says I. Ha ha, even.

Jaden
Was there anything in particular that sent you on licorice binge? Because it seems you can still afford candy.

Ingrid
Food stamps. I just saw that there were a few things that I wanted, which turned into a lot of things.

Jaden
Typical American…

Ingrid
I wasn’t talking about clothes, cars, or juicers.

Jaden
Oh. What then?

Ingrid
Books I need, mostly.

Jaden
Books? Like which?

Ingrid
A few from Japan, some about psychology, etc, etc.

Jaden
And you need those?

Ingrid
Don’t take my books away from me, my wrath will be terrible.

Jaden
Ok, ok.

Ingrid
I could sell your DVD collection and make a few bucks.

Jaden
Hey. There’s a line. You’re one Amaray case and a bookmark away from crossing it.

Ingrid
Just putting things into perspective.

Jaden
I’d rather you not with my life, please. But I see your point.

Ingrid
And bills HAVE to be paid, for some reason.

Jaden
Slices of modernity. I doubt you’d wanna read your books in a tent by lanternlight.

Ingrid
Outside? With rain and dog pee?

Jaden
So you’re stuck with bills in a water-free existence. Apart from your plumbing.

Ingrid
What am I gonna do-o-o-o-o? I want those books…

Jaden
Save up?

Ingrid
There’s a big sale going on that’ll be over by the time I’d have change to spare.

Jaden
Oh, what a tangled web you weave.

Ingrid
And I’m not stupid enough to borrow money from a friend because that’s the kind of thing that ruins lives.

Jaden
Worse than in “War of the Roses.”

Ingrid
You have that? It’s been years since I’ve seen it.

Jaden
One of my many treasures from that store.

Ingrid
Oh, I hate you so much.

Jaden
How’re you gonna get that money?

Ingrid
Donating blood’s not gonna get me enough.

Jaden
Plus, you bit the last person who tried to stick you with a needle, I hear.

Ingrid
Donating eggs takes too long.

Jaden
Plus, it’s too weird. And you’d be screwing the world over more with you adding to the overpopulation. For shame.

Ingrid
Won’t do porn.

Jaden
You freak out whenever anyone’s home when you shower.

Ingrid
So, what else is there?

Jaden
Rob a bank?

Ingrid
I’m not gonna rob a bank to buy a few books.

Jaden
Why not? People have done it for less.

Ingrid
I’m not that desperate. Or clever.

Jaden
Casino?

Ingrid
Have you seen my love life? That kind of luck doesn’t stay in one place.

Jaden
Science experiments?

Ingrid
Because I really wanna grow a boob on my back.

Jaden
You can use it for dancing.

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