Daily Dialogue: I Survived

The mucky-muck of my mind gets waded through by two imaginary women for 40 minutes.

Megumi
I… I wanna talk about it now.

Felicity
Are you sure? I know it’s a dark subject for– Fuck, “dark” is nowhere near close enough to what you went through. But I stopped pushing even though I didn’t want to because I could see how much the mere thought of it hurt you. And I never wanted to hurt you.

Megumi
I know. Part of me wants to hold onto it forever. The crimson secret in my basement. I know that’s not fair, though. I love you and to keep something like that from you so selfishly is as wrong to me as the secret.

Felicity
Nothing is as wrong as what happened to you. Not even rape.

Megumi
Which is why I have to tell someone. Keeping it inside makes me feel rotten. But… letting it out scares me. Letting it out means I have to relive it. Letting it out– I have to tell someone. To make the nightmares stop. The panic attacks. The blackouts. Everything. Everything stops once I let it out. And the only person I could ever trust is you.

Felicity
I’m here for you, honey, and thank you.

Megumi
Why are you thanking me?

Felicity
You trust me enough to share your burden with me. Out of the billions that are and the billions that will be, you chose me.

Megumi
Because I love you.

Felicity
Where do you wanna start?

Megumi
France, two years ago.

Felicity
Ok.

Megumi
I went with some friends because we’ve always wanted to go. We made a promise to not stop by the Eiffel Tower.

Felicity
Why?

Megumi
Every film that’s set in France shows the Eiffel Tower. I’m sure the French are as tired of seeing it as us.

Felicity
You missed out on something special, though.

Megumi
Which was what?

Felicity
If you stand under it and look up at night, it’s beautiful. If it’s just when the lights come on, it’s even better. A brilliant tunnel of false stars.

Megumi
You’ve been to France?

Felicity
When I was little. Foreign exchange program.

Megumi
Oh.

Felicity
Maybe we can go after– If you feel that you can.

Megumi
Maybe. Anyway, we didn’t go there. I forget exactly which part of France we went to, but we stayed in a hotel. It wasn’t the best, but it was all we could afford. We were too swept up in la vie Francaise to care. We were really into the Gothic Lolita style.

Felicity
“Were?” Says the one wearing the frilly skirt.

Megumi
Heh. Old habits die hard, I guess.

Felicity
I still think it’s cute.

Megumi
We went to sleep early because we had a week of shopping to do.

Felicity
You were gonna spend a week shopping? Then why didn’t get a better– Oh. Priorities.

Megumi
Right. Stupid. I woke up in a brick room. Like a… Like a dungeon. A castle dungeon. I wasn’t chained to the wall, but they were up there. I was the only one in the room. It was small. Like a bathroom. I screamed for help for– I screamed for– I-I screamed for–

Felicity
Hey, I’m here, Megumi. I’m right here.

Megumi
I screamed for h-help for a few minutes. Then the gas came, and I fell asleep. It was the seventh time when I figured that it came from the floor. The sixteenth time is when someone spoke. Through the speaker I didn’t notice. In a corner of the ceiling. It sounded like it was coming through water, that’s how old the speaker was. The voice asked if I was starving. It said this a few times in different languages until it got to Japanese. I didn’t speak them, but I figured later that’s what was going on. I told the voice that I was, but I didn’t know where to say it so I repeated it a few times in different directions. Then… Then a guard opened the door and threw one of my friends inside the dungeon with me. She looked as bad as I probably did. Then the guard through a knife on  ground and shut the door. The voice said… s-said to eat what y-you kill.

Felicity
Oh fuck.

Megumi
I left that place eventually… with no friends… but I didn’t starve. I didn’t starve. I didn’t starve. I didn’t starve. I didn’t starve.

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