Daily Dialogue: The Ghosted Vein

Dr. Marshall
Thanks for seeing me today.

Seanan
Yeah, well, I don’t have a choice. Do I?

Dr. Marshall
There’s always a choice, Seanan.

Seanan
I just feel like a victim, being told to come here all the time.

Dr. Marshall
No one wants you to feel like a victim anymore.

Seanan
Then why do I have to keep coming here, girl to girl?

Dr. Marshall
You’ve been through a lot these last few months. You weren’t only kidnapped, you were violated.

Seanan
I would’ve called it “being turned into a junkie.” But whatever.

Dr. Marshall
It was a terrible and undeserving situation for you.

Seanan
So, there’s someone out there who deserved what I went through? I mean, if I was undeserving, then someone has to be deserving, right? Nature LOVES balance.

Dr. Marshall
Some things no one deserves.

Seanan
Oh, I wouldn’t be too sure of that. It was my mother’s fault, y’know. For everything. I think if ANYONE deserves what I went through, it’d be her.

Dr. Marshall
Why do you feel that way?

Seanan
Um, because I was kidnapped for no other reason than being her daughter? If I wasn’t that, I wouldn’t be in this office, would I?

Dr. Marshall
If you weren’t her daughter, you wouldn’t exist. Surely, you must enjoy being alive.

Seanan
You’re right. Y’know, you’re right. It’s great to be alive. I’m so glad that I know what it’s like to be locked in a dungeon. Those heroin trips were great, too. Having to go through detox, throwing up even though I had nothing inside, having bruises from shivering so much, dealing with ex-addicts who are so hard-up for a fix that they offer to suck my nonexistent cock, all of that was peachy keen. The nightmares? They’re really swell. Just because I popped out of my mother one day.

Dr. Marshall
I didn’t know you had nightmares. When did they start?

Seanan
A while after I got outta rehab.

Dr. Marshall
Do you still have them?

Seanan
Yeah.

Dr. Marshall
Are they about your time in rehab?

Seanan
No, they’re about…

Dr. Marshall
Your kidnapping?

Seanan
Kidnappers.

Dr. Marshall
What about them?

Seanan
It’s hard, y’know?

Dr. Marshall
What is?

Seanan
Living with being an addict.

Dr. Marshall
It wasn’t your fault.

Seanan
No, it was my mother’s, but I’m not interested in playing the blame game right now. I can’t eat with spoons anymore. Isn’t that weird? They used to put the heroin in a spoon and melt it in front of me. After a while, days became a blur. But I still remember spoons. And whatever the nightmares tell me.

Dr. Marshall
What do they say?

Seanan
I think I loved them.

Dr. Marshall
Who?

Seanan
The men who took me.

Dr. Marshall
It’s more common than you think. Captives sometimes form a strong bond with their captives as a coping mechanism.

Seanan
I’m still a victim, then.

Dr. Marshall
Try not to think of it that way. You were in a situation that you couldn’t prepare for, and your mind tried to help you through it the best way it as it could.

Seanan
Do you know– Fuck, my rubber band broke. Do you have one?

Dr. Marshall
Of course. Here. I’m glad you’re using the stress exercise I taught you.

Seanan
I never would’ve thought that flicking a rubber band on my wrist would be like a nicotine patch for heroin addicts. You should market it.

Dr. Marshall
It’s public domain.

Seanan
Heh, of course it is. Do you know what happened when I was found?

Dr. Marshall
No, I only know that you were found.

Seanan
There was a shootout. I was too high to notice anything, but my subconscious was quite the notetaker. It likes to remind me nightly of all the gory details. Apparently, I was covered in blood and body bits, and used as a bullet shield. Not a scratch on me, though.

Dr. Marshall
That’s good.

Seanan.
Yeah. Still. I loved them, and I’m heartbroken in my nightmares every time I see them die. And you said it’s normal to fall in love?

Dr. Marshall
It’s normal to develop feelings that are similar to love, yes.

Seanan
What about… Is it… How weird is it to get horny from nightmares?

Dr. Marshall
It’s rare, but it’s possible. Are you aroused after every nightmare?

Seanan
No.

Dr. Marshall
How do you know you’re aroused?

Seanan
The tell-tale signs. Bedsheets between the legs with morning dew.

Dr. Marshall
What’s that?

Seanan
Morning wood for women.

Dr. Marshall
Oh. Which nightmares arouse you?

Seanan
The ones that end just before everyone dies. Sometimes time stretches and everything gets slowed down. Being held, covered in blood, people screaming… Oh no. Am I a monster?

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