Daily Dialogue: Suffer the Children (no longer)

Kimberly
Jocelyn?

Jocelyn
Kimberly?

Kimberly
Yeah. Hi, I’m Ki– Oh. Yeah.

Jocelyn
It’s ok. I’m nervous, too.

Kimberly
I’m not nervous, I’m– I’m here. You’re here. We’re here.

Jocelyn
Yeah. We’re here.

Kimberly
How did you find me? I didn’t mean it like that.

Jocelyn
I know. After the trial, I looked up some of the victims who went public. Your mother was one of them.

Kimberly
She… She must… But how did you get to me?

Jocelyn
I talked to her. Over the phone. She gave me your number.

Kimberly
I gotta talk to her. I haven’t said anything to her since before the trial. I hope– Is she ok?

Jocelyn
Yeah. She misses you.

Kimberly
I miss her, too. But with the media everywhere and putting a story before their humanity, I couldn’t be a target.

Jocelyn
She knows. She went through a lot, but she’s glad that she went through it alone. She didn’t want you to share her burden.

Kimberly
That’s good. I mean– I-I mean–

Jocelyn
I know what you mean.

Kimberly
Did your mother go public, too?

Jocelyn
Let’s say that she wanted to leave the past amongst the dead.

Kimberly
She was too afraid.

Jocelyn
That too. Do you hate her?

Kimberly
…no. Not now. That fucker was found guilty and now he has to deal with prison justice.

Jocelyn
What if he wasn’t found guilty?

Kimberly
I’d rather not think of could-have-beens. He’s gotta get what’s coming to him. Nightly.

Jocelyn
Do we call each other sisters?

Kimberly
Do you want to?

Jocelyn
We have the same father, so–

Kimberly
Don’t make him human.

Jocelyn
We have the same… stamen?

Kimberly
That works. Yeah, that’s better. That’s the male part of a flower, right?

Jocelyn
Yeah.

Kimberly
Yeah, that’s better.

Jocelyn
I know the circumstances aren’t the best, but we’re sisters. I’d like to get to know you better.

Kimberly
Have you seen him?

Jocelyn
Yeah. In pictures and on TV, never in person.

Kimberly
Do I look like him?

Jocelyn
You have his eyebrows.

Kimberly
Oh.

Jocelyn
What about me?

Kimberly
You hair’s kinda curly like his.

Jocelyn
I always hated my hair.

Kimberly
I always hated my eyebrows.

Jocelyn
Maybe we could go to a salon someday and change them.

Kimberly
Maybe.

Jocelyn
Are you still weirded-out by me being here?

Kimberly
By me existing after my mother told me that I was a… a…

Jocelyn
Rape child. I feel the same way. I am the same way.

Kimberly
You aren’t acting like it.

Jocelyn
I rarely let my emotions get the better of me.

Kimberly
You sound just like him.

Jocelyn
…what?

Kimberly
Whenever he was interviewed, he was always cold.

Jocelyn
You think I’m cold?

Kimberly
Keeping your emotions in check, as you said, makes you seem cold.

Jocelyn
I’m not like him.

Kimberly
Ok.

Jocelyn
I am nothing like him.

Kimberly
Ok. When did you find out? That you were his?

Jocelyn
When he was arrested.

Kimberly
Oh.

Jocelyn
When did you?

Kimberly
When he was arrested… but I’ve known that I was a rape child since I was a little girl.

Jocelyn
What?! How?

Kimberly
My first stepfather told me.

Jocelyn
Why would someone tell a kid that?

Kimberly
My mother made him angry and he took it out on me. The older I got, the more I wished that he beat me like any decent degenerate, instead.

Jocelyn
You mean, you had to grow up knowing…

Kimberly
Yeah. And, of course, neighborhood kids find out, as they do with anything. From them, the school bus. From that, the school. And my mother couldn’t afford to move, so I was stuck. I don’t think most of them knew what rape was until high school.

Jocelyn
Did it get better in high school?

Kimberly
Does anything ever get better in high school?

Jocelyn
What happened?

Kimberly
I don’t wanna talk about it.

Jocelyn
I’m your sister, you can tell m–

Kimberly
I barely know you. Yeah, we’re sisters, but that doesn’t mean that you’ve earned the right for me to dump every piece of bullshit that’s ever happened to me on you.

Jocelyn
I don’t mind. Really.

Kimberly
Why? Why is it so important to you?

Jocelyn
Because I’m lonely. I’m so lonely and I thought I’d never find someone to talk to who was like me. No, I didn’t know that I was a child of rape until recently, but that didn’t stop me from feeling like there was something wrong with me. I cut myself. I’ve been a cutter for over a decade. I thought that the wrongness was inside me somewhere and thought I could cut it out. Then it started feeling good. Now I don’t feel anything but lonely. Except right now, with you.

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