Daily Dialogue: Harley and Ivy in “Hearts Filthy Lesson”

Ivy
Get off the ledge, Harley.

Harley
I don’t wanna.

Ivy
Well, I don’t want you to, you’re making me nervous.

Harley
Sorry for making ya so, Red, but I’m gonna stay here for a while.

Ivy
Why?

Harley
I always do this when I miss him.

Ivy
When you miss who? Him? Him?! You’re contemplating suicide for him?! Harleen Quinzel, get off that damn ledge right now!

Harley
Yes, ma’am…

Ivy
Towards me, not the pavement.

Harley
Yes, ma’am…

Ivy
Don’t scare me like that ever again!

Harley
Sorry, ma’am…

Ivy
Do that again and I’ll toss you into the Batmobile.

Harley
Yes, ma’am…

Ivy
And I’ll feed your comic book collection to my plants.

Harley
My babies?! Yer horrible!

Ivy
There she is.

Harley
They didn’t do anything wr– Oh. Shock therapy.

Ivy
Mm-hmm. Clearheaded now?

Harley
Apart from tha cotton candy I call home now.

Ivy
You still don’t miss that bastard, do you?

Harley
Hey, I hear Superman’s on TV punching holes in buildings! Oh, that man in blue. Always showing his love for humanity through property damage.

Ivy
Harley…

Harley
Remember that time he was lighting?

Ivy
Harley…

Harley
How did he take a shower without dying? He musta stunk like a hot patootie on a su–

Ivy
HARLEY!!

Harley
Yeah, ok, I still miss my puddin’. Happy now? HAPPY NOW?!

Ivy
I thought we worked through this.

Harley
Ya can take tha girl outta tha trauma…

Ivy
He treated you worse than… worse than… I honestly can’t think of something that’s only a little better than how he treated you. Hitler treated your Jewish grandparents SO much better than Joker treated you.

Harley
It was his way of showing his love, Red.

Ivy
Love doesn’t involve breaking your arms repeatedly for fun. Feel them, Harley. You can still feel the bumps where your fractures healed.

Harley
I know what they feel like…

Ivy
Touch them, damnit! Every time you miss that infectious human waste, I want you to feel what he’s done to you!

Harley
I just have ta feel my heart, then.

Ivy
Did you know that you scream in your sleep? You tell him to stop, that he’s hurting you, that you’re gonna… you’re gonna die if he doesn’t stop.

Harley
Y-yer making that up.

Ivy
Listen if you don’t believe me.

Harley
Ya recorded me?

Ivy
I knew you wouldn’t trust me otherwise. You’d think that I made it all up, which says a lot about how much he screwed you up.

Harley
I remember some of that stuff. He… He did it fer love. Everything… All is full of love.

Ivy
What about him makes you miss him so much? Is it me? Am I doing something wrong? Do you not care about me anymore?

Harley
Don’t be silly, yer still amazing ta me. We can have girl fun and you don’t mind when I have guy fun.

Ivy
And I don’t hurt you.

Harley
And ya don’t hurt me.

Ivy
So why does Joker still do it for you?

Harley
It’s not all tha time. I can go months, or almost a whole year without wanting ta see my Mistah J. But I’m like a smoker, Red. They never really quit. They just live until tha syren call of tha white poison stick gets too loud.

Ivy
There’s usually a trigger.

Harley
Heh. Ya pay attention ta me.

Ivy
You don’t always scream in your sleep. Sometimes, you, heh, give long lectures about psychiatry.

Harley
And it doesn’t bore ya?

Ivy
Nothing about you is boring, Harley.

Harley
Even when I’m making bombs?

Ivy
Well, maybe that. The goggles make you look senile.

Harley
Ha. Knew it.

Ivy
What’s your trigger? Your Joker trigger.

Harley
He did so many things ta me that anything could be a trigger, really.

Ivy
Anytime you feel a trigger coming, I want you to find me, ok. No more standing on the ledge or whatever else you do.

Harley
But what if yer in the potty?

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