Daily Dialogue: Mischief Maker

Karen
MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Abby
Um… Are you ok?

Karen
I’m stupendous!

Abby
People who’re ok tend to not bust out words like “stupendous.”

Karen
Ah, fuck people. I’m a me, and me is stupendous.

Abby
“Me is stupendous?” Did you get laid?

Karen
Better.

Abby
Better than getting laid?

Karen
Definitely better than getting laid.

Abby
Have you been getting the right kind of laid?

Karen
Who are you asking?

Abby
Oh. Yeah. The one who got the cops called on her because her moans were labeled a “domestic disturbance.” So, what’s got you all… stupefied?

Karen
Stupendous.

Abby
Sorry.

Karen
Success, dear Abby.

Abby
Didn’t I tell you to stop calling me that?

Karen
What? Who else but you is gonna remember Dear Abby?

Abby
Success, you say?

Karen
Success, says I.

Abby
Where did yonder success come from?

Karen
Smacking a bitch.

Abby
What?

Karen
I mean working my ass off. Being stupendous kinda, kinda blurs the lines.

Abby
Twixt working a lot and smacking a bitch? I’m not sure I wanna be stupendous.

Karen
There’s only enough room in this friendship for one stupendous broad, anyway. You can be–

Abby
I’d like to choose my adjective, thankyouverymuch.

Karen
Fair enough.

Abby
What have you been working on?

Karen
I’m shocked! You don’t know? What kinda friend are–

Abby
Hey. Hey. You’re the one who doesn’t tell anyone what you’re doing until after you’ve done it.

Karen
Yeah…

Abby
To save yourself the embarrassment of admitting if it fell apart, if I recall correctly.

Karen
You do, you do.

Abby
So I don’t wanna hear shit about fuck in regards to me not knowing what you’ve been up to.

Karen
Yess’m. Do you wanna know?

Abby
Of course.

Karen
I finally got around to making my costume for the comic convention later this year.

Abby
You finished TARDY-Q? I thought you gave up on that.

Karen
I got damn close. Many times. But it’s done now and worth all those pricked fingers.

Abby
Can I see?

Karen
A pic’s on my phone. Here.

Abby
Wow. I thought you were crazy when you said you wanted to combine Harley Quinn and the TARDIS.

Karen
Mad as a hatter.

Abby
But there she it. Wow.

Karen
Yeah, now the world can suck my clit.

Abby
Easy now.

Karen
What? I’ve earned the right to be a braggadocio.

Abby
Yeah, but don’t tell people to suck your clit.

Karen
Why not? It’s the pleasure center of my universe.

Abby
Truth, but it’s so easy to do it wrong. A cock has inches, a clit has centimeters. You suck a cock too hard, it’s not so bad. You suck a clit too hard, you wanna punch the guy, or gal, in the head.

Karen
Won’t they accidentally bite?

Abby
You see the quandary.

Karen
Fine, I won’t tell anyone to suck my clit. But I demand gratification, damnit.

Abby
Won’t that come when you cosplay in a few months?

Karen
Oh yeah.

Abby
What does TARDY-Q stand for? I know TARDIS is Time And Relative Dimension In Space, and stuff.

Karen
Totally And Really Desperately Your Quinn. Y’know, her feelings toward Joker.

Abby
Aww, that’s adorable. And sad.

Karen
Yeah, it’s awesome. You know what would be MORE awesome?

Abby
A sandwich?

Karen
If I got a boyfriend before the con and convinced him to be my Doctor Ha.

Abby
Doctor Ha?

Karen
The TARDIS is piloted by The Doctor on Doctor Who.

Abby
Duh.

Karen
Joker’s all about laughter.

Abby
Yeah…?

Karen
Laughter is hahahaha? Doctor Ha? Doctor Hahahaha?

Abby
Oh! Fuck, talk about slow moments…

Karen
Take your vitamins.

Abby
How’d you do the lights on your pigtails?

Karen
Freaking bright, aren’t they?

Abby
Yeah.

Karen
An LED light and a triple-A battery.

Abby
Shut your fucking mouth. That’s it? No wires running down the–

Karen
Nope, just those two things.

Abby
How often do you have to change the battery?

Karen
Abby… Abby… We live in the 21st century. LEDs run on practically nothing.

Abby
Really?

Karen
My house is full of LED bulbs, I leave them on all the time, and my electric bill is chicken scratch.

Abby
What?!

Karen
I mean, the initial purchase was a bitch, but they’ve more than paid for themselves over time.

Abby
Huh. I guess I better get with the times.

Karen
You do.

Abby
And YOU need to find a boyfriend who’ll be your Doctor Ha.

Karen
I do!

Abby
What if he doesn’t like Doctor Who or Joker?

Karen
He doesn’t have a say in being Doctor Ha.

Abby
Coldblooded.

Karen
Besides, I’d make it up to him.

Abby
How? He’d probably be a grouch the entire con.

Karen
There’s stuff under the TARDY-Q gown.

Abby
What kind of stuff?

Karen
Custom-made lingerie stuff.

Abby
Yeah, he’ll be fine.

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