Daily Dialogue: Body Talk

Cindy
Are you ok?

Beth
Not really, but what can you do?

Cindy
You can talk to me.

Beth
I’m not in the sharing mood, sorry.

Cindy
And I’m not in the punching bag mood.

Beth
I’m not gonna take anything out on you, don’t worry.

Cindy
Because if you do, I’m gonna hit you in the box.

Beth
You’re REALLY not in the punching bag mood.

Cindy
Nope.

Beth
How do I look?

Cindy
Alive?

Beth
That’s not what I mean.

Cindy
Beth?

Beth
Not what I meant, either.

Cindy
I’m not a mind reader, so tell me what you mean.

Beth
Am I fat?

Cindy
Thinking you’re fat is also grounds for getting kicked in the box.

Beth
I thought I was just getting hit there.

Cindy
And for stupid thoughts, my boot will smite yonder cunny.

Beth
It’s not a stupid thought.

Cindy
Yeah, it is.

Beth
Look at this belly! And this arm chub! And these thighs!

Cindy
Yeah…?

Beth
I’m so–

Cindy
I’d rather not kick you in the box, so I’m not gonna let you finish that sentence.

Beth
But–

Cindy
You have the body of a Renaissance model, dummy. If I had a TARDIS, we could jump back in time and make a small mint off paintings of you.

Beth
After getting a slew of injections.

Cindy
Needles? Why?

Beth
Do you know the kind of diseases waiting for us back then? I’m surprised humanity made it past that period. AIDS probably wouldn’t fuck with the Middle Ages.

Cindy
I’m sure it wasn’t that bad.

Beth
Horses were everywhere. The streets were literally horseshit.

Cindy
But they’re always so clean in movies and shows and stuff.

Beth
Because they sacrifice verisimilitude for sanity. I’d hate to wade through horse mess and piss for a movie, I don’t care how awesome it is.

Cindy
What if you got to act alongside Eva Green?

Beth
Shut your whore mouth. I’d BE the horse in a movie with her.

Cindy
Desperate much?

Beth
Ah, shut up.

Cindy
That’s interesting. She’s not fat to you?

Beth
Not at all.

Cindy
She’s busty. You’re busty.

Beth
Boobs don’t make one fat.

Cindy
And you’d be a better Renaissance model than her.

Beth
Really?

Cindy
Yeah, she’d be a Victorian model, if anything.

Beth
Hmm.

Cindy
Is Christina Hendricks fat?

Beth
Nope.

Cindy
But you two have about the same proportions. If anything, you have more of an hourglass figure than her. Didn’t think that was possible, now that I think of it.

Beth
She’s different.

Cindy
How?

Beth
Never mind.

Cindy
No, no “never mind.” Why is she different than you? Because she’s a ginger?

Beth
No.

Cindy
You can dye your hair.

Beth
That’s not it.

Cindy
Then what?

Beth
People want her.

Cindy
Some would say too much.

Beth
What? Why?

Cindy
I don’t mean that she’s everywhere. I mean that popularity comes at a price, and the price is that everyone wants you. And not everyone is rational.

Beth
But I’m fine with thinking she’s pretty and can act, and slightly hating her because of it. Eva Green, too.

Cindy
You’re rational, though. Apart from thinking that you’re fat. I’m sure they’ve come across some crazies in their lives. Proposing marriage and giving lingerie.

Beth
That happens?

Cindy
A lot. When I was a desk jockey, regulars proposed all the time. There was also candy. You can imagine which I preferred.

Beth
Guys are weird.

Cindy
It wasn’t just guys.

Beth
But you’re not gay.

Cindy
The women didn’t know that, and it’d be tasteless to wear a sign around my neck that said “Not Gay” next to my name tag.

Beth
I guess that’s true. Did you have stalkers?

Cindy
Four.

Beth
What were they like?

Cindy
Uh, stalky?

Beth
I wish I had a stalker. OW!!

Cindy
That deserved a kick in the box.

Beth
I think you broke a lip…

Cindy
It’ll be fine. Just think of it as another reason to rub yourself later.

Beth
Those are steel-toes!

Cindy
Oh, c’mon, I didn’t kick that hard.

Beth
It’s the most sensitive area on the female body: a paper ball would be agony. Damnit!

Cindy
Ok, ok, I’m sorry. Want me to kiss it?

Beth
Get the fuck away from it, you’ve done enough damage.

Cindy
Sorry! You just said something so stupid that I had to punish you. Being stalked is a horrible, HORRIBLE thing.

Beth
Worse than getting kicked in the box?

Cindy
It might be hard for you to imagine right now but, yes. Many times worse.

Beth
I need ice.

Cindy
Walk it off.

Beth
I can’t move.

Cindy
Then how were you gonna get the ice?

Beth
NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: