Daily Dialogue: Harley and Ivy Go Hollywood

Harley
Did ya see? Did ya see?

Ivy
The results of the British election?

Harley
Nope!

Ivy
Our government’s decision on the NSA’s bulk data?

Harley
Why would I care about NASA? I gots enough space between my ears.

Ivy
Ireland’s decision on same-sex marri–

Harley
I can see yer not willin’ to take this seriously, so I’ll just tell ya: THE FIRST OFFICIAL PIC OF THA GAL WHO’S PLAYIN’ ME IN THA MOVIES CAME OUT!! I’m flippin’ real, Red!

Ivy
Uh… huh.

Harley
Hey, I was supportive of YOU when Batman an’ Robin came–

Ivy
I told YOU that we don’t talk about that anymore. How did you find out about the pic?

Harley
Where ya been? Tha interwebs have been hootin’ an’ hollerin’ about her fer weeks!

Ivy
I read the news, not what’s trending. Wait. How much hooting and hollering?

Harley
It’s been on all tha popular sites, ya doof!

Ivy
And you had no idea about any of the other things I mentioned?

Harley
I told ya, I don’t care about no NASA.

Ivy
I see.

Harley
She’s gots bleached hair with cotton candy red-and-blue pigtails an’–

Ivy
Who?

Harley
Margot Robbie. The fleshy me!

Ivy
Oh.

Harley
If I don’t start gettin’ some enthusiasm from ya soon, I’m gonna whip out tha ol’ IMDB app and see what Miss Uma Thurman’s been up to lat–

Ivy
Wow, Harley! Really?! Margot Robbie! Wowsers, gee, gosh, and wham!

Harley
Yer wit needs work, but it’ll do fer now.

Ivy
What else has she been in?

Harley
Wolf o’ Wall Street.

Ivy
As the secretary who screamed at everyone? I liked her.

Harley
No, silly, as Jordan Belfort’s wife.

Ivy
It must’ve been hard bleaching all that curly hair.

Harley
Wha? No, his second wife! The hot one!

Ivy
Oh, her… Wait, she went from playing one New York gal with a psychotic lover to another New York gal with a psychotic lover?

Harley
Cornerin’ the market, she is!

Ivy
Indubitably.

Harley
And she’s dressed like she shops at the Goodwill.

Ivy
Huh. You dress like you shop at the Goodwill sometimes.

Harley
I know! It’s awesome! But, of course, the interwebs gots their lederhosen in a kerfluffle cuz she doesn’t look how I do.

Ivy
In what way?

Harley
She wears a t-shirt, hot pants, an’ not much else.

Ivy
And? You were never the most pragmatic dresser.

Harley
I stole my red-an’-black onesie from a costume shop! An’ now, I dress like I’m in a roller derby. Cuz I am!

Ivy
How vocal are these fans of yours?

Harley
They wanna raze Los Angeles to tha ground with mallets!

Ivy
And none of them care about Nepal…

Harley
Course not. Nepal’s a hole in tha ground ta them WAAAAAAAAAAAY over there. Harley Quinn’s in their face! Bam!

Ivy
Don’t start referring to yourself in the third-preson. It’s never fun when Two-Face does it.

Harley
Yess’m. I feel kinda sorry fer her, though.

Ivy
Margot Robbie? Why?

Harley
One could say that I, heh, attract a certain type of person.

Ivy
You can say rabid fans. I would.

Harley
I was gonna say “enthusiastic.”

Ivy
I’m always amazed at how you turn down their marriage proposals, yet take their rings, without any fuss.

Harley
It’s all in tha wrist, Red. Plus, I get ta murder tha more annoyin’ ones.

Ivy
I know, I’ve mulched many a corpse for you.

Harley
Margot won’t be able ta do that, though.

Ivy
Why not? Oh. Right.

Harley
Yeah. But tha good FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR outweighs tha bad of bein’ me, otherwise I woulda stopped a long time ago. Tha bad just tends ta hit hard when it pops up once inna while. I’d love to share a drink an’ a l’chaim with her someday.

Ivy
A what?

Harley
Y’know, a l’chaim. La-hi-yam. Tha thing we Jewish folk say before a drink.

Ivy
You’re a practicing Jew?

Harley
Nope! But tha words are fun…

Harley and Ivy
And fundamental!

Ivy
I’ll enjoy seeing her in her hot pants.

Harley
They sparkle like a bad vampire!

Ivy
I see.

Harley
It’s not my favorite look, but methinks Margot’ll be around fer a while. Plenty o’ time to try out new looks.

Ivy
Tis.

Harley
Don’t worry, Red. They’re bound ta get ya right someday. They can’t have a fleshy Harley sans her favorite potted plant.

Ivy
Really?

Harley
Would I lie to ya? They might even go few tha trifecta an’ give us Pee Gee!

Ivy
Who?

Harley
Power Girl. She’s like Supergirl, ‘cept she’s gots MASSIVE… appendages.

Ivy
Mmm… appendages…

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