Daily Dialogue: Harley and Ivy Go YouTubing

Ivy
What’re we gonna do tonight?

Harley
Tha same thing we do every night, Pi–

Ivy
No more YouTube for you.

Harley
But it has all tha things I thought I forgot!

Ivy
Did you think that some things are best left forgotten?

Harley
Why would it be good fer me ta forget Pinky and the Brain?

Ivy
So you could take pity on those around you who’d have to put up with you remembering.

Harley
Narf!

Ivy
Harley…

Harley
Ok, ok! Geez, ya take away my childhood, ya take away my snacks…

Ivy
You told me to take them! Something about not being able to zip up your favorite pair of pants.

Harley
Oh yeah! They still don’t fit…

Ivy
You can’t just starve yourself down a pant size.

Harley
Why not? Works fer runway models.

Ivy
They do more than starve. They purge and use the sweatbox, for starters.

Harley
They were in that Ethan Hawke flick?

Ivy
Purging means they vomit what they eat.

Harley
Those scags gots no respect fer food! What’s a sweatbox?

Ivy
A box you sweat in. Like a sauna, but not.

Harley
Oh, those! Mistah J used ta put in them sometimes.

Ivy
Why?

Harley
Dunno!

Ivy
Did you… like them?

Harley
Nope!

Ivy
Well, those are the things you’d have to do along with starving yourself to fit into those pants.

Harley
I wanna do it like nature intended.

Ivy
That’s interesting, because I found a copy of the Kama Sutra in the bargain bin.

Harley
Not Ivy-nature: Mother Nature!

Ivy
Oh. Right. Her. Damnit.

Harley
An’ ta do that, I need YouTubes!

Ivy
Harley, you’re not gonna–

Harley
It’s got stuff besides echoes of lost childhoods, Red. It also gots those sexy aerobic videos from tha 80’s.

Ivy
Let’s gather some YouTubes.

Harley
Yay!

Ivy
What’s Vevo?

Harley
Music videos.

Ivy
They still make those? But MTV is practically dead on salted earth.

Harley
I thought ya were all about tha interwebs with yer Vice News. Music videos have been here fer over a decade. That’s ten years, Red!

Ivy
Huh. What kind of music videos?

Harley
All a’ them that were ever made in tha history a’ musicdom.

Ivy
Vevo’s that big?

Harley
Pfft, no. But most videos aren’t under Vevo’s thumb.

Ivy
Oh. Then, why does it exist?

Harley
Ta delude musicians inta thinkin’ that they’re gonna get more money. Tha fools.

Ivy
Ah. Is No Doubt here?

Harley
From their first album ta–

Ivy
After Tragic Kingdom, I stopped caring.

Harley
Yer not down with tha dancehall?

Ivy
No.

Harley
What song’re ya lookin’ fer?

Ivy
Do they have Excuse Me Mr.?

Harley
Lessee… Yup! ALL tha Excuse Me Mistahs.

Ivy
Wow, there are so many. Why are there so many copies of the video.

Harley
Folk lookin’ fer hits, I imagine.

Ivy
They’re all masochists?

Harley
Yup! But that’s not what hits mean here. Each viewin’ is a hit. A tic on tha counter.

Ivy
Why are those important?

Harley
It tells lotsa peeps that their lives have a semblance a’ meanin’ cuz there’s a numerical attachment to somethin’ they “created,” when, in fact, tha numbers mean nothin’. But their lives are so hollow that they need any sorta positive reinforcement they can get, which is why ya see so many videos a’ folk doin’ stupid things. An’ ya get paid if ya get enough hits.

Ivy
Money, you say.

Harley
Money, says I.

Ivy
Wait, if people get money from a music video they didn’t make, won’t they get into trouble?

Harley
Tha plot thickens…

Ivy
How much money are we talking?

Harley
Some YouTube celebrities–

Ivy
That’s an actual term?

Harley
With tha dough they rake it, it doesn’t matter what they’re called.

Ivy
How much do they make?

Harley
Hundreds ‘a thousands. Some’re even pullin’ in a million simoleans a year.

Ivy
Millionaires?! From posting videos?!

Harley
Yup. An’ none a’ them’re pornographic… not that there’s anything WRONG with pron-pron.

Ivy
What kind of things can you post and make money off of?

Harley
Anythin’ that’s interestin’. Even cat videos!

Ivy
We’re gonna be YouTube celebrities.

Harley
Yay! Wait! How?!

Ivy
We’re two clever women, we’ll figure something out.

Harley
Aw, ya think I’m a clever dame… How soon they forget.

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