Daily Dialogue: Rage, By Any Other Name, is Titan

Shelby
Why are you listening to Careless Whisper?

April
The music player on my laptop’s on random.

Shelby
Yeah, but I’ve been hearing it for the last hour and a half.

April
It’s a good song?

Shelby
What happened this time?

April
What do you mean?

Shelby
You only listen to songs with saxophones when you’re sad.

April
No, I don’t.

Shelby
What about the time you were listening to Baker Street all afternoon, only to find out that you lost your job?

April
It’s a good so–

Shelby
There was the time when you tried throwing me off with Mr. Saxobeat because it was a dance song, but I figured out that your car broke down.

April
I just put in a catalytic converter, too…

Shelby
So. What’s wrong now?

April
I can’t talk about it. I mean, I wanna talk about it. But I can’t.

Shelby
Why can’t you?

April
Abstinence.

Shelby
You can’t give up fucking if you haven’t gotten any in months.

April
Ha. Ha. Fuck you. And that’s not what I’m abstaining from.

Shelby
What is it, then?

April
Part of abstaining from something, Shelby, is that one can’t talk about it.

Shelby
I didn’t realize that moratoriums were part of the recovery process.

April
Tis.

Shelby
Well, I’m tired of listening to George Michael, so we gotta get through this.

April
I told you–

Shelby
I remember. Water. Mizu. Aqua.

April
Huh?

Shelby
Those three words mean the same thing, just in different languages.

April
What’s your point?

Shelby
That you can talk about something without speaking its name by calling it something else.

April
Substitution? Could work.

Shelby
Let’s get to the bottom of your Cthulhu.

April
Leave your geekery out of my problems, please.

Shelby
Damnit. Fine, what do you suggest we call your problem?

April
My Titans.

Shelby
On, so I can’t make a Lovecraft reference but YOU can make an ultraviolent anime one?

April
I said YOUR geekery.

Shelby
Fine. Jerk. What about your Titans?

April
It’s come to my attention recently that my care for my Titans has negative effects on my professional life.

Shelby
In what way? Or ways?

April
You know how I feel about opinions, right?

Shelby
Everyone in America is entitled to one and the consequences of such.

April
And you know how I feel about giving mine.

Shelby
Yeah, you’re a Wobbuffet.

April
A what?

Shelby
There’s a Pokémon that only counterattacks. You remind me a lot of it because you only have something important or bileful to say if you’re attacked first.

April
On. I guess I am a Wobbuffet.

Shelby
What’s your spirit animal have to do with anything?

April
I’m terrible with acting, and great with reacting.

Shelby
I know, that’s why I called you a Wobbuffet.

April
Well, my Titan reared its ugly, giant head in a professional situation recently and things went very bad.

Shelby
How bad?

April
I’m banned from working in three counties.

Shelby
Oh. That’s not as bad as three countries.

April
Might as well be.

Shelby
How’s you get banned in three counties?

April
My opinion.

Shelby
You can’t be fired for your opinion. First Amendment Rights and whatnot.

April
I can if they lead to bringing about a “destructive environment.”

Shelby
What’s that mean?

April
I caused a riot.

Shelby
THAT WAS YOU?!

April
Yeah…

Shelby
They still haven’t put out those fucking fires!

April
I know…

Shelby
You got off light by getting banned.

April
Their lawyers didn’t want them to cause a PR disaster by throwing a transgendered into the clink.

Shelby
Yeah, we don’t need another Orange is the New Black. What was the riot about? Did someone call you a tranny?

April
No, everyone at the job was cool with working with me. I mean, some of the gals were jealous because I never have to deal with periods, but life goes on.

Shelby
Yeah… bitch. What caused the riot?

April
My Titan.

Shelby
You might have to be a little more detailed for me.

April
My… inability to… accept… certain things about the country. Yeah, that’s about all I can say without wanting to cause Kristallnacht 2: Electric Boogaloo.

Shelby
Fair enough. You gotta put that rage into something productive, girl.

April
Like what?

Shelby
Why not take up the saxophone?

April
It’s heavy.

Shelby
What, you’re saying that women can’t lift heavy things? Sounds like setback talk to me…

April
Don’t you DARE call me a fucking setback.

Shelby
What’re you gonna do, Wobbuffet? Huh?

April
Start learning the sax parts of Careless Whisper.

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