Daily Dialogue: XX/XY Pangs

Hanna
I didn’t go to my father’s wedding. I think that’s what I regret the most.

Emma
You were angry. A lot of people were.

Hanna
I can’t know if I had a right to be, though. It’s… Who sits around and thinks that something like that could happen to them?

Emma
No one, but isn’t that what life’s about? Not knowing?

Hanna
Yeah, but… Couldn’t he have known before he married my mother, before he got her pregnant, that he was gay and didn’t ever feel like a man? Why’d he put us through all that shit, why is he putting us through all this shit, if that’s the life he wanted?

Emma
Do you hate him?

Hanna
I don’t know.

Emma
Why?

Hanna
Because I don’t know whether he’s my father or my mother now. Do you?

Emma
He– She’s your mother.

Hanna
But my mother gave birth to me. My mother was the damaged one when The Big Lies came out. My mother…

Emma
Your mother was your father once, but she isn’t anymore. Having two mothers can be great, right? What name did she choose?

Hanna
Beatrice.

Emma
Beatrice can be good to you, as good to you as a mother as she was when she was your father.

Hanna
Beatrice is a jealous bitch.

Emma
Why do you think she’s jealous?

Hanna
Because, try as hard as she can, she can’t do what my real mother or myself can.

Emma
What?

Hanna
Have a baby.

Emma
Has she ever shown her jealousy?

Hanna
No, but I’ve known my father long enough to see– FUCK! Can’t you see how aggravating this is for me?

Emma
You hate Beatrice?

Hanna
…yes.

Emma
Then why do you regret not going to her wedding?

Hanna
Part of me wanted to see her in a gown.

Emma
Was there a part of you that wanted something else?

Hanna
…yes.

Emma
What did it want?

Hanna
To burn the gown off of her.

Emma
Which part is bigger?

Hanna
The one inside me.

Emma
When was the last time you saw Beatrice?

Hanna
When I saw her or when she saw me?

Emma
Both.

Hanna
Months before the wedding, last week in a bathroom.

Emma
Which is which?

Hanna
She saw me months ago.

Emma
Which bathroom did you see her in?

Hanna
At the movies, when we saw the last Terminator.

Emma
Is that why you got weird for the rest of the night?

Hanna
Yeah.

Emma
How do you know she didn’t see you?

Hanna
Because I would’ve been covered in ashes when you saw me comes out of the bathroom.

Emma
When was the last time you saw your… um…

Hanna
I talked to my real mother last night.

Emma
How’s she coping?

Hanna
She stopping pulling strands of hair out, finally. I don’t ever wanna get married.

Emma
Why?

Hanna
I don’t wanna be as dedicated to someone as my mother was to my father. That can hurt you in ways you can’t ever cope with. I know, I see it every time I visit my mother.

Emma
But love can do so many great things.

Hanna
I’m not arguing love, I’m arguing dedication.

Emma
Then you think people should be polyamorous?

Hanna
If they want, but that’s not my point.

Emma
What is?

Hanna
That people can love whomever and however they choose, but don’t dedicate your life to them.

Emma
What if they spend their life with the one, or ones, they love?

Hanna
If they happen to do so, great. But it shouldn’t be a requirement. I’ve seen what happens when people are obligated to be together forever. Some can do it, more can’t than the world would like to believe.

Emma
People like who?

Hanna
The ones who get beaten or cheated on but stick around because of two rings and a sheet of paper.

Emma
People get beaten and cheated without marriage.

Hanna
Yeah, but you can’t say that a lot of marriages don’t have those things in them.

Emma
Do you think Beatrice will have those things happen to her?

Hanna
Dunno. I can’t wrap my mind around her wife wanting sex from her.

Emma
Why not?

Hanna
She didn’t fully commit.

Emma
What do you mean?

Hanna
She still has a cock.

Emma
How do you know?

Hanna
When you live with someone who’s transitioning, they tell you everything like an excited child.

Emma
Did she say why she kept it?

Hanna
I asked a few times, but she, heh, skirted around the issue.

Emma
At least they’re in love?

Hanna
And utterly dedicated to each other. The queen is dead, long live the queen.

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