Daily Dialogue: The Musican Uprising

Janet
This line is insane.

Paris
That flagpole has been mocking me for hours now.

Janet
Yeah, look at it standing there. Jerk.

Paris
We should knock it down.

Janet
Are you mad? And lose our place?

Paris
Yeah, you’re right. It’s just nerves…

Janet
It’s ok, I understand. Whose turn is it to see if the band’s here yet and be disappointed?

Paris
I was disappointed an hour ago, so it’s your turn.

Janet
But I don’t wanna be disappointed again…

Paris
You don’t have to do it now.

Janet
I don’t have to do it now. Why do we put up with it?

Paris
Put up with what?

Janet
The bullshit of musicians. We pay their salaries, damnit. They should at least turn up on time.

Paris
The art life?

Janet
Artists can still tell time. I bet they’ll be watching that clock to see when their concert’s over.

Paris
I’ve never seen a clock in a concert in a concert hall.

Janet
Me either! So– Shit. Watches.

Paris
Shit. Watches.

Janet
So why do we put up with it?

Paris
Because their music means a lot to us?

Janet
Yeah, but we have their albums.

Paris
They don’t get a lot of money from them, so we gotta do what we can for them at shows.

Janet
And yet, they’re late. I don’t completely buy the helpless artist gimmick.

Paris
What do you mean?

Janet
Musicians make the songs, right?

Paris
Last I checked.

Janet
So they’re in control of the product, right?

Paris
One would believe so.

Janet
Why don’t they act like it, then?

Paris
A record exec’s not gonna listen to a musician.

Janet
Why not? All those musicians in that Tidal commercial–

Paris
Tidal?

Janet
The streaming music thing “for artists.”

Paris
Oh yeah, that. Go on.

Janet
If all those musicians REALLY cared… wouldn’t they have gone on the music equivalent of a hunger strike?

Paris
How?

Janet
Like saying, “Oi! We’re not making anything new until musicians get treated better!”

Paris
They can’t afford to do that.

Janet
Did you see that commercial? A sea of millionaires. They could take that stand.

Paris
Britney Spears.

Janet
What about her?

Paris
Have you bought her last album?

Janet
Uh, no.

Paris
Her second album?

Janet
Twice!

Paris
Twice?

Janet
I listened to my first copy so many times that the CD started to warp.

Paris
Now you see.

Janet
See what?

Paris
Why the musicians didn’t take Custer’s Last Stand.

Janet
I don’t follow.

Paris
The music landscape changes so quickly that it’d be easy for someone at the top to tumble.

Janet
I highly doubt that someone’s gonna replace Madonna.

Paris
Don’t they have contracts or whatever to keep them working?

Janet
They can be renegotiated. Especially if they got smart.

Paris
Smart? They seem pretty smart to me.

Janet
Do you know how much Britney Spears probably got paid for the two copies of her second album I bought? Probably a few quarters. MAYBE a dollar. I dropped around 15 bucks a piece. A musician makes the song and the company puts it out. That sounds like a 50/50 partnership to me.

Paris
Thanks.

Janet
For what?

Paris
Helping me prove my point. Musicians are worth a lot more than they’ve been convinced they are. I won’t even get into how much they make from streaming things.

Janet
Wait, I thought we were trying to figure out why we put up with musicians’ bull.

Paris
And now we’re talking about how they need to up-rise. It’s ok, society laughably says that women don’t need to make sense, so I don’t have to.

Janet
You’re not gonna start chasing people around with your bra, are you?

Paris
So you can chase after me and BOTH of us lose our place in line?

Janet
Damn my madness.

Paris
So. Back to causing the musician uprising because we’re tired of their bullshit.

Janet
Being kind because we wanna be cruel?

Paris
Laughable society.

Janet
Gloria Steinem would beat you up for saying that, by the by.

Paris
Camille Paglia would understand, though.

Janet
Ma ma se, ma ma sa, ma ma coo sa.

Paris
Are you… Are you having a stroke?

Janet
Wanna Be Startin’ Somethin’? Michael Jackson?

Paris
OH! Ok. How do musicians start their uprising?

Janet
Well–

Paris
Wait. Wouldn’t them complaining about money seem like Poor Little Rich Kid?

Janet
Yeah, if we were only talking about the musicians on the Tidal commercial. But we’re not, are we?

Paris
No, not really. Well, maybe Madonna. I still like her.

Janet
She is likable. Especially when she sings Skin.

Paris
Off of Ray of Light?

Janet
The very same.

Paris
I love that song. And album. And her.

Janet
She is lovable. She is also someone who could be Custer.

Paris
Wait. Custer was a racist psychotic.

Janet
Damnit. Do we have any other American martyrs?

Paris
Probably.

Janet
Well, think, woman!

Paris
What ab– THE LINE’S MOVING!! THE LINE’S MOVING!!

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One Response to “Daily Dialogue: The Musican Uprising”

  1. The problem for musicians is quite simple: they can’t strike because there’s always thousands of people waiting to take their place. It makes me feel bad for the truly talented and sick for the ones that make it because they have the right image or know the right people.

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